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Cheating & Infidelity

What To Do When You Catch A Cheater-7 Important Steps

When You Catch A Cheater

When you catch a cheater the next stages are critical to your health and wellness. You might have had suspicions about your partner’s online activity, being wise you decided that you didn’t want to make accusations without all the information. You purchased a spy phone app to see who your partner has been texting and sure enough, it was the person you had suspicions about. Now you have proof but what do you do next when you catch a cheater?

1. Confirmation

You have all your information gathered and there is solid proof they cheated. When you catch a cheater with information, now you need confirmation from them “Are you cheating on me?” You don’t want to entice a defensive reaction that would just say “No”, to avoid that its best if you ask the question calmly. Start by asking them to have an important conversation, ask them if they are happy in the relationship. If there is anything that needs to be worked on. Whether they say “no” or say a few things they would like worked on stay open. Then state “I’m glad we are talking about this because I think you are cheating and here is why”.

2. Stay Calm

They confessed that they cheated, instead of having a knee jerk reaction that could make matters worse do your best to stay calm. The last thing you want to do is end the relationship immediately then regret it later, you will be emotional and that okay. When you catch a cheater its normal to be emotional, but making emotional decisions is not logical and generally does not present the best long term results. Stay calm, take some time to think about the direction you want the relationship to go in. If you cannot be calm, try using a meditation technique called “Leaves On A Stream” to help you out.

3.Heal Any Breaks In Your Heart

Being cheated on could leave you in a state where you feel as though your heart has broken or a piece of your heart has broken. Science now shows that having a “broken heart” can literally have detrimental effects on your health. When you catch a cheater and decide to stay with them or leave the relationship entirely you will still need to focus on healing yourself. This process should not be rushed by you or your partner and you will need a relationship counsellor to help you along the journey

4. Find Out Why It Happened and Learn From It

No one just slips and falls into bed with someone else, there is usually a deeper reason why it happened. If you can learn why it happened this could give you the wisdom to help regrow the relationship if you decide to keep it. If you decide not to keep the relationship this could help you prevent this from happening again in a different relationship. When you catch a cheater, as much as it hurts its also an opportunity to grow as a person and in your relationships.

5. Make A Decision

You don’t need to decide immediately if you want to keep the relationship or not, although once you make a decision be sure not to flip flop back and forth. First off you need to decide if you can live with someone who cheated or if you just can’t do it. Often cheating is a symptom of a deeper problem or missed connection inside of the relationship. If its a missed connection you might choose to work through it. If your partner cheated because of vanity, it might be time to move along. If you do decide to keep the relationship, stick to it and don’t just give up after a couple of weeks of working through it.

6. Do It Together

If you decide to stay together, it’s going to take both of you to get through it. First, hire a relationship counsellor, both of you must go to the appointments and make sure you both do the work they recommend. It’s not all your fault, but you do need to work through it together. Do not continually remind your partner they cheated, this will not help. Don’t make them continue to pay the price, if they want to keep the relationship they will already be full of guilt and they will need to do healing work to get through that. Find out what your part of the equation is, so you can grow and be a better partner.

7. Ask For Help

When you catch a cheater it’s going to be an emotional roller coaster. It is highly recommended that you hire a professional therapist and have continual self-care days. You are going to need to focus on yourself especially if you decide to move out of the relationship. Do not worry about what your ex is doing and how they are feeling, it won’t help anything. If you find yourself obsessing over what happened, or constantly thinking about how angry you are with them a professional therapist can help you with different techniques to ease your mind and heart.

-If you are not sure if you want to keep the relationship or not, let the decision be based on what you really want. If your partner wants to keep the relationship, there might be a lot of begging and pleading. As difficult as it is, you will need to tune that out and take time for yourself and clear your head. The right answer for you can be based on what you really want in a relationship and what’s logical. If this is a repeat cheater, be logical knowing it will happen again. If all the values you want in a relationship are with this person and its the first time, it might be worth it.

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