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Cheating & Infidelity

10 Mistakes to Avoid When Healing From Infidelity

healing from infidelity

Are you committing these mistakes in your process of healing from infidelity? You should try and avoid them altogether if you want to move on fast.

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Going through a partner’s infidelity is certainly difficult. The hurt and betrayal involved can make it hard to move on. Not all will survive these trying situation. Still, you may decide to give your relationship a fighting chance. Making the wrong moves can negatively impact this recovery process. Hence, as you take time and effort to heal from the infidelity, you should watch out for the following common mistakes that most people make when doing so.

Assuming that the Relationship Must Be Over

Some people are conditioned to thinking that a relationship must be over after a partner cheats. The thought of leaving your partner is called for, considering they just broke your trust. However, this does not have to be the case.

There may still be room for repair and healing. If you feel it is worth it, you can try and work things out with your partner. Still, if it’s evident that your partner does not value you or the relationship, leaving might be the best choice.

Pretending Like It Never Happened

healing from infidelity

Nonetheless, you should not decide to move on with the relationship like the affair never happened. This will only scar your relationship and hinder the healing process. It is best that you both accept the occurrence and take deliberate steps in addressing the situation. Sitting down and listening to each other’s perspective is a good place to start. This will provide some closure and help in finding a way to move forward.

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Keeping it to Yourself

healing from infidelity

While you should not proclaim your relationship issues to the world, you should not die with them either. It might be tempting to put up a front and portray a perfect relationship. This is, however, is not healthy. Keeping things cooped up can only make healing more difficult. Feel free to confide in a trusted friend or family member or even a therapist.

Seeking Revenge

healing from infidelity

While it’s the most tempting, revenge is also the worst mistake you can make when trying to heal from infidelity. It is no surprise that you may feel compelled to get even with your partner after the pain they have brought upon you. You want them to feel how you’re feeling. You may therefore make the impulsive decision of having an affair of your own.

Try to resist this urge. Revenge will not provide the right environment for your partner to be remorseful and to make amends. It will also not grant you the relief that you are looking for. It might actually leave you feeling worse due to the guilt of your own unfaithfulness.

Holding a Grudge Against Your Partner

Forgive and forget? This is easier said than done. You cannot magically delete your partner’s betrayal from your mind. However, this does not mean that you should hold a grudge against your partner.

This can only build feelings of resentment towards your partner. Eventually, this will start to manifest. You will find yourself taking it out on them every other time or treating them unkindly. This will only create a drift in your relationship rather than rebuild it.

Shaming or Threatening Your Partner

healing from infidelity
Source: The Independent

Whether they are willing to admit it or not, your unfaithful partner is likely already beating themselves up for what they have done. Shaming and guilt-tripping them through verbal assault or passive aggression will not help the situation. Instead of making them remorseful and open up to you, it might actually make them more closed.

Making threats will also not do any good. For example, you may threaten to expose your partner to friends and family as a way of making them feel embarrassed and discouraging them from continuing with the behaviour. In as much as you might feel justified, this is not the best way to go about it, especially if you are seeking reconciliation.

Asking Unnecessary Details

You may be dying to know every single detail of the affair. This will, however, not make you feel better or give you closure, as you may imagine. Learning about some details will only hurt you further and make it harder for you to move on.

This, however, does not mean that you should not ask any questions. You have the right to know the necessary information but leave the rest.

Thinking You Can Protect Your Partner from Cheating

Once bitten, twice shy. The pain and feeling of betrayal from your partner’s infidelity are likely to breed paranoia and suspicion. You may then feel the need to do everything in your power to prevent this from happening again. This may include spying on your partner to make sure that they are not cheating.

You may also demand your partner to change their phone number and email address as a way to protect them from cheating. Even though this might give you some false sense of security, you cannot protect your partner from cheating if they are willing to.

Trying to Figure Out What Went Wrong

Why did he/she cheat on me? Could I have done something wrong? A lot of questions are likely to be going through your head as you try to figure out what went wrong with your relationship. Your partner’s affair does not necessarily mean that something is amiss with your relationship or that you made a mistake. Entertaining such thoughts will only lead you to blame yourself, which will impede your healing process.

Rushing the Healing Process

You need to be realistic about how long it will take you to heal from infidelity. It will take time for you to forgive, build trust and reconnect with your partner. Trying to rush through the process will only leave you frustrated and disappointed. Therefore, take your time to process your feelings and your relationship.

The recovery process will also require you to come up with a solid plan. This will help to create accountability throughout the process and make it easier to move on.


Betrayed, hurt and confused, you may end up making certain mistakes after finding out that your partner has cheated on you. Rightfully so, we have compiled a list of some of the common mistakes involved to guide you into making better decisions as you heal from the infidelity.

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