9 Classic Excuses for Infidelity & How to Deal With It.

Breakups are awful but finding out about your significant other’s infidelity is the absolute worst. Dealing with infidelity is terrible, but what is even worse is the fact that they use excuses for infidelity.

Both the person who cheated and the one who was cheated on will naturally seek to understand the root of their hurt. The partner who was unfaithful often wonders, “Why did I do this?” while the one betrayed seeks answers to, “Why did this happen to me?” However, the explanations offered by the cheater seldom justify their actions.

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The range of excuses provided by cheaters to rationalize their behavior can vary widely, some of which may even seem absurd or laughable. Despite this, it’s possible to identify common themes among these excuses.

1. “I was thinking about you the whole time”

excuses for infidelity

Ever heard that I was thinking of you the entire time I was with him or her? It is one of the most common excuses partners use to defend their infidelity behavior. 

Some of the common statements include, “He or she reminded me so much of my spouse that I couldn’t stop myself,” or I’m interested in a little bit of kink, and I don’t want to burden my wife with that.

Such statements are common excuses for infidelity but do you need an explanation for the statements’ reality? People make these statements just to get their way out.

2. “It’s normal for a guy to cheat”

excuses for infidelity

There’s a common myth out there that guys who stick with just one woman for their whole lives are making a mistake. Some people say it’s natural for guys to cheat and claim that all men do it. They argue that if a man has a chance to be with another woman, he should just go for it because that’s how men are supposedly wired.

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But here’s the thing: not every guy cheats. Plenty of men choose to be with just one partner and keep that promise for life. When they’re tempted to cheat, they think about how much it would hurt their partner and decide it’s not worth it. These men show that being faithful is about respecting their partner and the trust they’ve built together.

3. “It was not love”

excuses for infidelity

One of the most frequent excuses you might hear from someone who has been unfaithful is, “It was not love.” This line attempts to downplay the seriousness of the infidelity by suggesting that, because there were no deep feelings involved, the betrayal should not be considered as harmful. The person might argue that their actions were a mistake, a moment of weakness, or simply a physical encounter with no emotional attachment. They might believe that by distinguishing their affair as lacking love, they can lessen the pain or betrayal their partner feels.

However, this excuse often overlooks the core issue at hand: the breach of trust and the emotional impact on the betrayed partner. Whether or not love was involved, the act of seeking intimacy outside the relationship can cause significant hurt and damage the foundation of trust upon which the relationship is built. It’s not the presence or absence of love in the affair that causes pain, but rather the fact that promises were broken and the committed relationship was not honored.

4. “I was drunk”

excuses for infidelity

A common excuse that sometimes surfaces after an act of infidelity is, “I was drunk.” This excuse tries to shift some of the blame away from the person’s actions, suggesting that the alcohol impaired their judgment and led to decisions they wouldn’t have made otherwise. The implication is that because they were not in full control of their faculties, they should not be held entirely accountable for their actions. This defense is often used in the hope of mitigating the betrayal, underlining the influence of alcohol as a mitigating factor that clouded their decision-making process.

However, using intoxication as an excuse fails to address the real issue: the decision to put oneself in a situation where such a lapse in judgment could occur. It doesn’t take away from the hurt and betrayal the other partner feels. Trust in a relationship is built on the expectation that both partners will uphold their commitment to each other, regardless of external influences. When someone chooses to engage in infidelity, regardless of the reasons, it undermines that trust. Recovery from such an event involves more than just excusing the behavior due to alcohol; it requires acknowledging the hurt caused, taking full responsibility for the breach of trust, and working together to rebuild that trust over time.

5. “It just happened”

The excuse “it just happened” is often thrown around in discussions about infidelity as if to imply the act was somehow unavoidable, a spontaneous event that occurred without intention or forethought. This explanation attempts to minimize the cheater’s agency in the situation, suggesting they were merely caught up in a moment beyond their control. However, this rationalization overlooks the series of choices leading up to the act of infidelity, each of which involved a decision to move further away from fidelity and closer to betrayal. It disregards the fact that at any point, there was the opportunity to stop, to think of their partner, and to choose a different path.

Dealing with an excuse like “it just happened” requires a focus on accountability and honesty. For the betrayed partner, it’s important to express how this excuse does not diminish the pain or breach of trust experienced.

6. “Well, you cheated before”

Using the justification “Well, you cheated before” is a way of deflecting responsibility by pointing to past wrongs in the relationship. This excuse attempts to equalize the situation, suggesting that since infidelity occurred previously from one partner, it somehow lessens the severity or impact of the current act. It’s as if the act of cheating becomes a tit-for-tat game where previous betrayals justify future ones. However, this mindset only perpetuates a cycle of hurt and mistrust, ignoring the root causes of the issues and failing to address the emotional damage inflicted on both sides.

Dealing with this kind of excuse requires confronting the reality that two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s crucial for both partners to recognize that using past infidelity as a justification only avoids addressing the current problem and hinders the healing process.

7. “She ain’t what she used to be”  

The excuse “She ain’t what she used to be” is used by some to rationalize infidelity by pointing to changes in their partner or the dynamics of the relationship. This rationale suggests that because the partner has changed—whether in appearance, behavior or in the emotional climate of the relationship—it somehow legitimizes seeking intimacy outside the relationship.

It places blame on the partner for not maintaining certain aspects of themselves or their behavior that were present at the beginning of the relationship. However, this viewpoint dangerously ignores the fact that change is a natural part of life and relationships; people grow and evolve, and so do their relationships. Using someone’s personal changes as a justification for cheating overlooks the responsibility one has to communicate openly about their needs and to work together with their partner on relationship issues.

Addressing this excuse head-on means acknowledging that while changes in a relationship or in a partner can pose challenges, they do not justify betrayal.

8. “Nothing happened”

The excuse “Nothing happened” is often used to dismiss concerns or suspicions about infidelity, implying that since no physical act occurred, there’s no reason to be upset or to question the fidelity of the relationship. This defense attempts to minimize the situation by suggesting that without concrete action, there’s no betrayal. However, this perspective overlooks the emotional and trust aspects of the relationship that can be just as significant as physical infidelity. Emotional connections, inappropriate conversations, or even intentions to cheat can deeply hurt a partner and erode the trust that forms the foundation of a relationship.

Addressing the “Nothing happened” excuse requires a focus on the importance of emotional fidelity and transparency. It’s essential to communicate that trust isn’t solely about physical actions; it’s also about intentions, emotional connections, and the commitments made to each other.

9. “I didn’t expect to get caught”

The excuse “I didn’t expect to get caught” reveals a mindset focused more on the fear of consequences than on the understanding of right and wrong within the relationship. This admission doesn’t address the act of infidelity itself but rather expresses regret over the discovery. It implies that the only regret the unfaithful partner has is related to being exposed, not the betrayal or hurt caused by their actions. This perspective can be particularly painful for the betrayed partner, as it suggests a lack of genuine remorse for the infidelity and a failure to acknowledge the emotional damage inflicted on the relationship.

Dealing with this kind of excuse requires a serious examination of the relationship’s foundation and the values both partners hold dear. It’s important for the unfaithful partner to understand that the core issue isn’t the act of getting caught; it’s the breach of trust and the emotional wound caused by the betrayal.

Have you ever been cheated on? What’s the excuse you received from your partner?

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2 thoughts on “9 Classic Excuses for Infidelity & How to Deal With It.”

  1. I got i didn’t do shit when she had me come to her daughters house and pick her and him up then he told me that he was there all night then they preceeded to text each other while I drive him home. Thats not just cheating thats rubbing my nose in it to. But they say they didn’t do anything.

  2. She told me it was my own fault. The next time (or the time after that, cant remember) she said it was because I didnt do my share of the house work. Then there is “We weren’t together at the time”. She just forgot to tell me that we weren’t together.

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