These days, loyalty feels like it's hard to come by. Just to put things into perspective, a study by the Institute for Family Studies from 2010 to 2017 revealed that 20% of men and 13% of women confessed to having sex with someone other than their spouse while married.
As a relationship expert, I can tell you that certain people are more prone to stray due to their personalities, behaviors they've picked up from their role models, and other influences like money, career, or social circles.
While most people think cheaters have only one thing in common, research suggests otherwise. There is a common set of traits cheaters have in common. Have you been a victim of infidelity? You probably don’t want to go on the same path in your next love life.
A cheating partner can hurt your emotions and affect your life in all aspects. Knowing the common traits of cheaters can be crucial to avoid falling for such people. The sooner you keep these traits at your fingertips, the higher the chances of protecting yourself from getting hurt again.
If you notice these traits in your partner, you better reconsider your relationship before everything gets out of control.
Difference between Micro-Cheater and Serial Cheater
Now, before moving on to the behaviors that are usually described as cheating, we need to establish a differentiation related to the types of cheaters: basically, Micro-Cheaters and Serial Cheaters. Quite significantly, Cheating is never a compulsion; it's a choice.
Keep in mind that Chronic or repetitive Cheating is referred to as Serial Cheating. In contrast, Acute Cheating, which is also referred to as Micro-cheating, is much more subtle and consists of minor actions that gradually start to breach the trust of the relationship.
Micro-Cheater vs. Serial Cheater
| Aspect | Micro-Cheater | Serial Cheater |
| Definition | Engages in subtle actions that might not be explicitly unfaithful but are secretive and potentially harmful to the relationship. | Engages in multiple explicit affairs or emotional relationships outside the primary relationship. |
| Behavior Examples | Flirtatious messages, keeping friendships secret, social media interactions that push boundaries. | Multiple physical or emotional affairs, ongoing relationships with one or more individuals outside the primary relationship. |
| Psychological Traits | This may lead to emotional distance, misunderstandings, and a gradual breakdown of trust if these actions escalate. | Often driven by a need for validation, thrill, or a lack of commitment to monogamy. |
| Typical Motivation | Seeks validation or excitement without intending to disrupt their primary relationship. | Seeks emotional or physical satisfaction from multiple partners regardless of the impact on their primary relationship. |
| Potential Impact | Generally, it results in major trust breaches, emotional harm, and often the end of the primary relationship. | Generally results in major trust breaches, emotional harm, and often the end of the primary relationship. |
Common Personality Traits Cheaters Have
It’s All About Them
If your partner has everything centered around them (narcissistic), you may have difficulty dealing with a cheating incident in your relationship. You may even get more hurt. In simple terms, narcissists are self-absorbed and will show no empathy, even when after cheating.
They can have an affair without feeling guilty and, worse, make you feel guilty. They might cheat on their partners to feel valued and special, especially when neglected or overlooked.
Signs of a Narcissistic Cheater
- Constant Need for Admiration: They require excessive attention and admiration from those around them, including people outside the relationship.
- Lack of Empathy: They show little regard for their partner's feelings or the consequences of their actions on others.
- Sense of Entitlement: They believe they deserve more than others and often demand special treatment, even at their partner's expense.
- Manipulative Behavior: They manipulate or influence their partner and others to get what they want.
- Chronic Flirting: Despite being in a relationship, they frequently flirt or engage in inappropriate interactions with others.
- Blame-Shifting: They never take responsibility for their actions, often blaming their partner for their unfaithful behavior.
- Exaggeration of Achievements: They often boast about their attractiveness, successes, or social connections to justify their desirability to others.
- Gaslighting: They manipulate their partner into questioning their perceptions or sanity, especially if the partner suspects infidelity.
- Secretive and Evasive: They are secretive about their whereabouts and activities and become defensive or evasive when questioned.
- Dual Lives: They maintain separate social media profiles or groups of friends that their partner is not a part of or aware of.
They are Very Good at Lying
A cheater can look you in the eye with all the confidence and tell a lie right on your face without blinking. According to a recent survey, about 92% of individuals admit to lying to their partner.
Most of the time, you will be deceived by their lies, so believe them. Not that you want to accept them, but you have no option since they have perfected the art of lying, making them so convincing.
Ever heard of the phrase “not all liars are cheaters?” Well, the reverse is true. All cheaters are liars. They hide so much truth from their partners and always want them to see a different side of what’s happening.
Cheaters always want to cover their tracks when having an affair. This is why they will always lie where they are, what they are doing, who that close friend is, and so on.
Signs of Lying You Need to Look Out For
- The story changes often.
- Avoids eye contact.
- Becomes overly defensive.
- Pauses before answering.
- Alters speech patterns.
- Shows nervous fidgeting.
- Adds unnecessary details.
- Quickly changes the topic.
- Gives rehearsed responses.
They are Jealous
“What will you do if you find out that I cheated on you?” This question comes out of jealousy and from cheaters who want to determine whether the effects of cheating will come back around.
They are afraid of losing you or maybe revenge by cheating back. Cheaters also tend to believe that you may be cheating on them, too. They get so insecure in their lives and can accuse you of being unfaithful. If they accuse you of things you don’t understand, the chances are that they are committing them. Just listen to what their accusations are.
You will be surprised to discover they have been doing them behind your back.
Common Signs to Look Out for
- Hypothetical cheating questions. Like, "What would you do if you found out I cheated?"
- Sudden, unreasonable jealousy.
- Worries about retaliation. Concerned you might cheat in response.
- Baseless cheating accusations.
- Displays insecurity about their actions.
- Projects their behavior onto you.
They are Always Flirting
Cheaters are always on the hunt. They are also looking for validation from others. Any flirtatious exchange invites more from them. Surprisingly, cheaters do not consider flirting as cheating. So, if you find flirting as cheating, you will struggle to convince them otherwise.
While your partner may validate that flirting is not cheating, this behavior always leads to more.
Besides, flirting is disrespectful and tends to shift your partner’s attention away from your relationship.
Signs You Need to Look Out For
- Excessive personal compliments
- Secret texts/calls
- Unnecessary physical closeness
- Excludes you socially
- Private inside jokes
- Prefers others' company
- Defensive about phone
- Sudden style changes
They are Opportunistic
Cheaters are always calculative and know when to strike their victims. When an opportunity presents itself, they take it. Such people will usually cheat when they have a chance.
It doesn’t matter where the opportunity presents itself, whether it’s a workplace, restaurant, or anywhere, they don’t take chances. In addition to being opportunistic, they believe finding someone else will make them happier.
Signs You Need to Look Out For
- Impulsive behavior.
- Takes advantage of situations.
- Lacks deep emotional connections.
- Acts differently when traveling.
- Loose boundaries with others.
- Seeks thrill or novelty.
- Minimal guilt expressions.
- Rationalizes questionable actions
They Lack Respect
Even how your partner treats other people in front of you will tell whether they have respect. If they show little respect to others, there is a high chance they will show you none. They don’t have it. Most cheaters lack respect and may cheat on you without giving it a second thought. They don’t care how their behavior will affect you.
Signs You Need to Look Out For
- Disrespects others openly.
- Shows little empathy.
- Indifferent to consequences.
- Ignores your feelings.
- Unapologetic behavior.
- Treats others poorly.
They Justify Cheating
This is one of the traits cheaters have in common. Cheaters blame their partners for their cheating behavior and will always try to validate it. In a survey conducted in 2021, it was found that 46% of individuals in monogamous relationships have engaged in extramarital affairs.
If caught, they will blame you as the cause of their infidelity. They will blame you for a lack of sex, attention, intimacy, and connection. They give these reasons to try and validate why they went to look for “greener pastures” outside the relationship.
If your partner blames you for almost everything that goes wrong in your relationship, chances are they will blame you when they cheat.
Common Signs You Need to Look Out for
- Blaming partner for infidelity
- Excuses for seeking excitement
- Deflecting responsibility onto the partner
- Seeking validation from others
They Feel Not Loved
While it’s easy to say that cheaters are heartless human beings, sometimes they cheat because of insecurities. Studies indicate that more than 42% of Tinder users are in relationships, including 30% who are married. Sometimes they cheat because they feel unlovable. They are dissatisfied and unhappy in the relationship, even when they make it hard to be loved.
Common Signs to Look Out for
- Feeling unloved or unlovable
- Expressing dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the relationship
- Creating barriers to receiving love
They Believe They Can’t Help it
Serial cheaters always think of unfaithfulness as a problem they will always have. They believe this problem is uncontrollable since they believe no one partner can fulfill all their needs.
Commitment to them is also a foreign concept, and staying committed to one partner will always be hard.
Common Signs to Look out for in Your Partner:
- Seeking adrenaline rush
- Show Thrill in talking about forbidden relationships
- Difficulty with impulse control
- View infidelity as inevitable
- Difficulty staying committed
They Are Afraid to be Alone
A study suggested that cheaters think that by having many partners, they will never be alone. So, they cheat to confront the fear of abandonment. However, the result is that they will still feel lonely and insecure. This puts them on a constant search for new people.
Common Signs to Look Out For in Your Partner
- Fear of solitude
- The constant need for companionship
- Seeking validation from multiple partners
- Insecurity despite multiple relationships
They Have a History of Cheating:
it's important to consider a partner’s past behaviors, especially if they have a history of cheating. People who have cheated before might be more likely to cheat again. This doesn’t mean they can’t change, but it’s a factor that shouldn’t be ignored. If someone has repeatedly been unfaithful in their past relationships, it could indicate a pattern of behavior that might continue.
Common signs to look out for in your partner in They Have a History of Cheating
- Repeated admissions of cheating
- Lack of remorse
- Defensive about the past
- Blames others for cheating
- Vague about relationship history
- Patterns of broken trust
- Refusal to discuss past mistakes
- Dismissive of fidelity
They’re Afraid of Emotional Intimacy:
Fear of emotional intimacy might make it difficult to reveal one's real feelings and thoughts. Most of these are caused by past hurts or traumas that make an individual very cautious about getting too close.
They might even run away from deep conversations and look distant and detached, especially in situations that require emotional vulnerability. They might even pull away when the relationship starts getting serious because the level of closeness just makes them uncomfortable. Such behavior helps deepen the relationship and may make the partner feel left out and unimportant.
Common signs to look out for in your partner
- Avoids deep conversations.
- Seems distant or detached.
- Withdraws from closeness.
- Resists serious commitment.
- Skips emotional topics.
- Displays unease with affection.
- Quick to deflect feelings.
- Rarely shares personal thoughts.
They are Unable to End Things:
In some cases, a person might even cheat, hoping that their actions will be discovered. Why? Deep down, they might want their partner to be the one to end the relationship, relieving them of the guilt or responsibility of breaking things off.
This behavior can stem from dissatisfaction, fear of confrontation, or uncertainty about communicating their feelings effectively within the relationship. A 2022 YouGov poll revealed that 43% of Americans who have cheated reported ending a relationship because of their infidelity.
Signs to Look Out For
- New, mysterious late nights.
- Emotional distance grows fast.
- Sudden, unexplained schedule changes.
- Interest in appearance spikes.
- Withdraws from usual activities.
- Quick to anger, defensive.
- Hides financial expenditures suddenly.
They Have a Separate Social Life:
When one partner maintains a separate and discrete social circle, this suggests a lack of transparency and shared experiences that are essential in a relationship.
Although it is perfectly healthy for each person to have their own friends and activities, a complete separation may mean they are not fully integrating their lives with yours. This may result in feelings of isolation or exclusion and, ultimately, diminish the level of trust.
Signs You Need to Look Out For
- Exclusive social circles.
- Private social media.
- Separate social outings.
- Minimal shared experiences.
- Avoids introducing friends.
- Hides event details.
- Lacks mutual friends.
- Frequent solo trips.
They Speak Negatively About Exes:
If your partner constantly blames all their exes for past issues, even describing them as "difficult" or even "crazy," this can be a potential red flag. When one insists that bad behavior in relationships in the past was done to them by their exes and not by them, it points in the direction of lack of accountability.
Signs to Look Out For
- Blames exes frequently.
- Avoids personal responsibility.
- Calls exes "crazy."
- Justifies own poor behavior.
They Cancel Plans Often:
Cheaters play around with more than one relationship. They carefully balance time and energy, always thinking of how to fulfill their needs without being caught.
Mostly, this is seen in selfishness, whereby the major focus of the cheater is not on how the other partner feels but on satisfying their desires. Once you understand this pattern, you can easily see signs of infidelity in the relationship and address them at the point where it becomes appropriate.
Signs to Look Out For
- Partner hides their phone frequently.
- Unexplained absences increase.
- Secretive about new friends.
- Sudden schedule change.
- Frequent password changes.
- Less emotionally available.
- Avoids future commitments.
- Increased criticism towards you
An Ex has Told you:
Sometimes, ex-partners might come forward to warn others about a person's cheating behavior. It's crucial to approach this information carefully. While it's natural to be skeptical, especially if the information directly affects you or your partner, it's also important to consider why the ex might share this.
Conclusion
These personality traits cheaters have in common are so important when you want to know whether your partner could be a cheater or do it behind your back. However, some traits do not necessarily mean that someone is a cheater. Always look for multiple traits in this list to make a sound conclusion. If you find out that your partner has many traits listed here, the chances are that they are cheaters, and you should be careful to find out the actual truth.