How Do Cheaters Act When Confronted?

If you even have to consider the fact that your partner is cheating, we know it can be very difficult. Now what’s even worse is that you have to confront your partner. The question is, how do cheaters act when confronted? You can get the courage to ask them the question, but how do you know if they are telling the truth or lying? The emotional build-up of asking the question can be a hurdle to get over, once you get there and finally ask the question it’s important to be prepared. Let’s go over the signs of the truth-tellers and lying cheaters when they are asked if they are cheating or not.


An age-old trick that a real manipulator or deceiver will do. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that will make you question your own beliefs and ideas. A lying cheater will use gaslighting to sows seeds of doubt that make you question your own ideas and memory, usually leaving you to feel guilty for even asking. Someone who is not a cheater may question why you would ask them if they are cheating but they will not make you feel guilty for asking, they will want to understand why you are asking and ensure you that they are faithful. Someone who is not a cheater will probably understand why you are asking, especially if you have a valid reason.

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2.They Put The Focus On You

Putting the focus on you is one-way cheaters act when confronted, this means that if you ask them about cheating, flirting or spending more time with someone else they will redirect the question to you. They might say that you have been working more or spending more time away from them so they need to spend it elsewhere instead of being alone. They will also put the focus on your emotional baggage, even if you don’t really have much baggage they could create the illusion that you are being insecure, maybe because of an ex-relationship you were in that had some troubles. A cheater will put the focus on you and completely disregard the fact you questioned them.

3.They Might Begin To Accuse You

 Another way cheaters act when confronted is to flip the whole confrontation onto you. This can be a real shocker, especially when you are innocent and now you have to prove you’ve been faithful, to the person you think has not. This tactic is not that well thought out. It’s mostly a defence mechanism brought on by their own guilty conscience as an attempt to deflect the blame on to you. Instead of a direct reply to your accusation with an honest yes they start to throw allegations at you. The purpose of this could be to have you admit to any type of inappropriate behaviour that way you both can stand equal.

4. They Pretend That They Were Not Happy

The way cheaters act when confronted can be confusing, cheating is a messy situation and cheaters will attempt to do anything to get out of trouble. If you confront them about cheating, they might not start out with an honest “Yes, I cheated”. They may turn things around and begin explaining that they were not happy in the relationship, the unhappiness has caused depression and the unhappiness and depression made them do it. This may or may not be actually how they feel, it could be a lead up to make you feel guilty because you could not fulfill a desire of theirs. This may not be true, but gives an excuse and puts you in the wrong.

5. They Apologize

Although it’s brutal to hear at least it’s honest. If there is an immediate apology with remorse perhaps it’s worth giving the relationship a chance. Your partner will need to show some immediate action steps to resolve this issue and help heal the relationship. Taking full responsibility for their inappropriate action is first. No excuse is valid, although there are definitely some issues in either having the same belief system or a problem within the relationship cheating is not acceptable. They can also start being less secretive, showing you their phone as a way to be transparent and letting you know where they are going and for how long.

6. How Can You Not Trust Me?

Another deflection attempt, yet still very common. Using the term, “How could you not trust me?” Is a mix of gaslighting and putting the focus back onto you. This is basically accusing you of being suspicious and makes you feel like a distrustful partner. If your partner really wanted you to trust them they should be more willing to discuss any doubts or fears you have. If your partner uses this excuse, then they have baggage around having people not trust them, or more likely they have guilt and are not telling you the truth.

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-How do cheaters act when confronted? Hopefully, you have gained enough information about your partner that you know without any doubt that they cheated, if not you will either need to do more research, investigating or hire professional help. Sometimes, you have expended all of your resources and there is nothing left to do than ask. That can be okay, especially if you have no other options. Don’t forget there are tools you can use, such as spy phone apps and background checks. Phone apps to see who they are contacting and background checks to find out information about the people they are contacting.

Once you are ready to confront them, use your research as proof if they deny it. If you don’t have enough information but need to ask because you have run out of options then use these reactive examples as notes to navigate through your partner’s truth or lies.

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