Is the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” true? According to stats, around 15% of couples break up due to infidelity.
But do cheaters cheat again after having an affair in the past? For couples trying to rebuild their relationship after infidelity, it can be a difficult path towards healing.
With the possibility of cheating again still at play, you become vigilant about the signs of a cheating partner. It also becomes hard to trust a partner who has infidelity in the past.
“Once a cheater, always a cheater” may be false. This phrase underestimates a person’s ability to change after infidelity. Some people have changed to become better partners after committing infidelity, and others have learned the lessons and turned out to be better people in their next relationships.
Unfortunately, some cheaters still find themselves cheating on their partners, even after the previous incident.
Signs That Cheaters Cheat Again
Watch out for signs suggesting your partner may be a serial cheater.
1. The Past Predicts the Future
Any person healing from infidelity always tries to find out the cause in the first place. Even after healing and you find out that your relationship is still going through the same experiences and emotions that led to cheating, you may want to be vigilant.
If your partner loses their focus and does not care about building the relationship, they may find it hard to commit again.
Daily Life Examples
- Your partner prioritizes work or hobbies over spending quality time with you despite promises to be more attentive.
- Your partner begins to skip couples therapy appointments or shows little interest in implementing strategies discussed during sessions.
- Your partner deflects or changes the subject whenever future plans or long-term commitments are discussed, showing a lack of investment in building a shared vision.
2. Your Partner’s Relationship History
Some people have a history of moving from one relationship to another quickly after their breakup. They do not even mind healing. This could be a red flag if you are in a new relationship with such a person.
Such partners do so for fear of being alone, and when they find someone they think is better and likes them, nothing, even their relationship, will stop them from cheating.
This pattern can repeat itself if they keep moving from one partner to another.
Daily Life Examples:
- After a breakup, they start dating someone new without reflecting on the previous relationship.
- They often enter rebound relationships, using new partners to distract themselves from the pain of the previous breakup.
- They might appear emotionally unavailable or detached because they haven't taken the time to heal from their previous relationships.
- Your relationships often lack depth and are based on superficial connections rather than meaningful bonds.
3. Unwillingness to Heal
If your partner is willing to work and rebuild your relationship, take responsibility, change, and manage the after work, they may not cheat again. But if they do not show any sign of concern, their lies continue, and they do not invest much into healing, they may cheat again for having little remorse about their actions.
Daily Life Examples:
- They seem indifferent to the state of the relationship, showing little interest in how you’re feeling or what you need to feel secure again.
- They continue engaging in behaviors that lead to cheating, such as frequently going out late without informing you or flirting with others.
- They don’t make any extra effort to spend quality time with you or to do things that could help rebuild trust, such as planning date nights or being more affectionate.
- You suggest seeing a couples therapist to work through the issues, but they dismiss the idea, saying therapy is a waste of time or unnecessary.
4. Blames You for Cheating
An unfaithful partner who blames you for cheating in the past will not likely change and may cheat again in the future. Such partners may also blame outside temptations for their straying behavior.
If your partner cannot take full ownership without blaming you or any other external force, they may still be vulnerable to cheating in the future.
Daily Life Examples:
- They might say, "It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been so cold towards me," suggesting that your behavior forced them to cheat.
- They might say, "I was drunk; it was just a mistake," or "It was just a one-time thing because I was feeling lonely," attributing their infidelity to circumstances rather than accepting responsibility.
- During conversations about their cheating, they might pivot to your faults, like, "Well, you haven't been perfect either," avoiding a confrontation with their wrongdoing.
5. They Do Not Feel Guilty
If your partner is not remorseful about the pain they caused you for cheating, they may not likely change. Feelings of guilt always motivate change.
Even by the thought of cheating again, a guilty partner who cheated knows how it may hurt you. They recognize the consequences of cheating from their past actions and try to improve.
Daily Life Examples:
- When confronted about their actions, they deflect by bringing up your faults or past mistakes rather than addressing their behavior.
- They blame external factors for their cheating, such as stress, alcohol, or problems in the relationship, instead of taking personal responsibility.
- When you express your hurt or sadness about their past infidelity, they respond with phrases like, "You need to get over it," or "Why are you still bringing this up?"
6. They Cannot Reassure You of Their Behavior
After your partner cheats, they must create a healing space for the relationship. Their actions should assure you that they have changed and are willing to make things work again in the relationship. But if this is not the case, they may stray again in the future.
A partner who may not cheat again will always verbally reassure you of their willingness to change and will still work to earn your trust again. It may be a red flag if they cannot give you this verbal reassurance.
Daily Life Examples:
- They never fully apologize for their past actions or take full accountability, often giving half-hearted apologies or shifting blame.
- They show indifference to your emotional needs, not offering comfort or understanding when you feel insecure or hurt.
- They become defensive or angry when asked about their actions or behavior rather than calmly addressing your concerns and offering reassurance.
- When you express your concerns or insecurities, they dismiss your feelings as irrational or accuse you of being overly paranoid.
7. They Are Not Patient With Your Healing Process
Healing after infidelity takes time. A partner who cheated on you must always understand what you went through because of their cheating behavior and give you time and space to heal.
A changed partner will acknowledge and be kind of the process and try to save your relationship.
If you notice that your partner does not show compassion for your healing process and blames you for playing the victim, they may be trying to divert their responsibility and the needed change.
Daily Life Example:
- When you try to talk about your feelings or concerns, they quickly become impatient, sighing loudly, rolling their eyes, or checking their phone.
- Instead of listening, they become defensive, saying things like, "I've said I'm sorry a million times!" or "How many times do I have to apologize?"
- They accuse you of being overly dramatic or playing the victim, saying things like, "You're the one who can't move on," or "You're just trying to make me feel bad."
- They don’t offer emotional support, such as holding you, listening attentively, or comforting you when you’re upset about the infidelity.
8. Gaslighting
A serial cheater will most probably have a gaslighting behavior. When you try to question them about anything, they turn their rage and anger back to you and dismiss your concerns right away.
This is a strategy to divert their responsibilities and avoid the blame and feelings of guilt. Gaslighting could also be a sign that they are already having another affair; this is why they do not want to face and answer your questions.
Daily Life Examples:
- When you are concerned about their behavior or question them about something suspicious, they might respond, "You're always paranoid. Why can't you trust me?"
- When you mention a specific incident, they might say, "That never happened. You're remembering it wrong."
- They might say, "I'm so tired of being accused constantly. It's like you want me to cheat so that you can be right."
- If you question their commitment, they could say, "If you weren't so insecure and needy, I wouldn't have to spend time with other people."
9. If They Disrespect the Resolutions
It is only natural to make resolutions and set boundaries after your partner has cheated. Resolutions help in the healing process of a relationship as they tend to help you avoid previous acts that led to infidelity.
If your partner does not seem to respect the resolutions, they may have issues committing themselves back to the relationship.
If your partner breaks the set boundaries and repeats the exact mistakes that led to their straying behavior in the past, it may be the beginning of another cheating incident.
Daily Life Examples:
- They repeatedly go out with friends or colleagues without discussing it with you beforehand, ignoring your agreed-upon need for more openness about their whereabouts.
- They act annoyed or dismissive when you try to check in or ask about their day despite agreeing to be more communicative.
- They continue to lie about small, seemingly insignificant things, which erodes trust and suggests they may not be fully committed to honesty in the relationship.
- They disregard your emotional needs and feelings about specific behaviors, such as going to places that remind you of their infidelity.
10. They Keep on Flirting
Regardless of what qualifies as cheating in your relationship, flirting always leads to sexual encounters.
Although your relationship can term flirting as not an act of cheating, it can eventually lead to it. If your partner still flirts with other people after infidelity, there may be a reason behind it. It is the foundation of many infidelity cases that have been reported.
Daily Life Examples:
- They frequently like, comment on, and interact with others' posts in a way that seems flirtatious or overly friendly.
- They send direct messages or react to stories of others with heart emojis or flirty comments.
- They go out frequently without inviting you, often with people they are known to flirt with.
- They avoid giving clear details about where they are going or who they are with.
11. Blaming Others:
When someone points fingers at everyone but themselves, it's like dodging a bullet instead of facing the music. If your partner's always playing the blame game, saying it's because of stress, or because you weren't giving them enough attention, well, that's a red flag waving in your relationship wind.
If they consistently blame external factors for their past infidelity instead of taking responsibility, it suggests they haven't fully addressed the underlying issues.
Daily Life Example:
- Partner stays out late and blames work stress or friends for encouragement.
- Engages in flirtatious behavior and blames the other person's initiation.
- Becomes secretive about technology usage and blames privacy concerns.
- Shows emotional distance and blames work stress or personal issues.
- Has a history of infidelity and blames past partners for their actions.
12. Disrespectful Behavior:
When someone consistently disrespects you or the idea of loyalty in a relationship, it's like waving a red flag. It hints at something deeper brewing beneath the surface.
Maybe they're not fully invested in the relationship or struggling with their own issues. Whatever the case, it's crucial to address this behavior head-on and figure out what's going on before things escalate. After all, every relationship deserves mutual respect and trust to thrive.
Daily Life Example:
- When you express your feelings or concerns, they dismiss them as unimportant or invalid, showing a lack of empathy.
- They ignore your boundaries and continue to engage in behavior that you've clearly stated makes you uncomfortable or upset.
- Your partner openly flirts with others in front of you, demonstrating a lack of consideration for your feelings and the boundaries of the relationship.
13. Justifying Infidelity:
It may be a red flag when someone in a relationship uses justifications or blame-shifting to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It suggests a lack of awareness of the harm their actions have caused to their partner and the relationship.
This conduct may indicate a resistance to change and a greater chance of cheating in the future. If individuals want to prevent further infidelity and strengthen their relationships, they must take responsibility for their actions and work towards rebuilding trust.
Daily Life Examples:
- They justify their actions by saying, "Our relationship was already falling apart, so it didn't matter."
- They deflect blame by saying, "It's not my fault, I was under a lot of stress at the time."
- When discussing their infidelity, they minimize it by saying, "It was just a one-time thing, it doesn't define our relationship."
14. Fantasizing About Others:
Although you are in a relationship, it feels like your partner thinks about someone else more often than you would like. These indications may point to a wandering eye, such as fantasizing about a coworker or subtly expressing dissatisfaction.
Indeed, harboring fantasies of being with someone else or quietly criticizing your partner might be telltale signs of trouble. They appear only partially committed to their current journey, as if they are already eyeing the next one.
Daily Life Examples:
- They express dissatisfaction with aspects of the relationship, focusing on what's lacking rather than appreciating what's present, indicating a desire for something more fulfilling elsewhere.
- Your partner seems emotionally detached or disconnected during moments of intimacy, lacking the genuine connection and passion that should be present in a committed relationship.
- They seem distant or preoccupied during intimate moments, as if their mind is elsewhere, possibly fantasizing about someone else.
- They compare you unfavorably to others, whether it's someone they know personally or celebrities, implying that they're not fully satisfied with the relationship.
15. Impulsive Behavior:
Someone who frequently follows their feelings without thinking through consequences may find themselves going down the same tempting paths that previously resulted in adultery. Similar to driving without brakes, things may swiftly get out of control and leave a path of hurt and betrayed trust.
Daily Life Examples:
- Buying something expensive on a whim without consulting their partner leads to financial strain and arguments.
- Making plans with friends without considering their partner's schedule or feelings causing resentment and feelings of neglect.
- Agreeing to take on extra work or responsibilities without discussing it with their partner, leading to stress and strain on the relationship.
- Making impulsive decisions about major life changes, such as moving to a new city or changing careers, without discussing it with their partner, leads to feelings of instability and insecurity in the relationship.
16. Emotional Distance:
When your partner begins to emotionally distance themselves, it's one of the telltale symptoms that they might cheat again. This implies that they may come out as cold or uninterested in the relationship, with little regard or consideration for your emotions. According to The Knot, 6% of American couples report being "desperately unhappy" in their relationships.
This behavior can be a sign that they're looking for emotional fulfilment somewhere else. It's critical to talk honestly and confront your partner if you observe them becoming emotionally aloof in order to determine what could be causing this behaviour shift.
Daily Life Examples:
- They no longer initiate physical intimacy or show interest in being close to you emotionally.
- When you try to connect with them, they respond with short, vague answers, leaving you feeling ignored or unimportant.
- Your partner seems happier or more animated when interacting with others, suggesting they're getting their emotional needs met elsewhere.
- They prioritize activities or hobbies over spending time with you, making you feel like you're not a priority in their life.
17. Secretive Behavior:
Behaving secretively can be a warning sign in a relationship. Your companion may be hiding anything if they are constantly watching over their computer or phone.
A recent report reveals that 1 in 7 married individuals have considered divorce because of their spouse's postings on Facebook or other social media sites.The distance and trust that this secrecy might cause can hinder the building of a strong, honest relationship. To make sure that both partners feel respected and appreciated, it's critical to have open communication about expectations and boundaries.
Daily Life Examples:
- Your partner consistently keeps their phone face-down or out of sight when you're together, and they're hesitant to let you use it.
- They suddenly close their laptop or change tabs when you walk into the room, avoiding letting you see what they're doing online.
- When you ask who they're texting or talking to, they become defensive or evasive, refusing to share details about their conversations.
- You notice they frequently clear their browsing history or delete text messages, making it difficult for you to see their digital interactions.
18. Emotional Instability:
It like riding an intense emotional rollercoaster with extreme ups and downs. Someone who finds it difficult to control their emotions may turn to other people for solace and approval.
Recent statistics show that poor communication is the reason 25% of partnerships end in divorce. Think of yourself as being on a never-ending emotional seesaw where anything can throw you off balance. Because of this volatility, individuals may find comfort in the attention of others, which can make it difficult to remain faithful and devoted in a relationship.
Daily Life Example:
- Engaging in self-destructive behaviors during moments of emotional turmoil, such as excessive drinking or reckless spending.
- Using phrases like "I just need someone to understand me" or "I feel so lost and alone" to justify seeking emotional connection outside the relationship.
- Feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions, leads to moments of withdrawal or distance from their partner.
- Struggling to communicate their feelings effectively, resorting to passive-aggressive behavior or silent treatment when feeling emotionally unstable.
Wrap Up:
According to a report, 70% of all Americans engage in some form of infidelity at some point in their lives. However, if they are giving much effort and are working to rebuild their relationship and earn back their trust, they may have changed and most likely will not cheat again. Cheaters cheat again if they show these 18 signs in their relationship.
Always be on the lookout for these signs if you want to know whether your partner is vulnerable to cheating. Infidelity not only ruins your relationship but also disrupts your peace of mind, which can take years to recover from. So, rather than enduring that pain again, it's better to step back before things spiral out of control.