Why Is Being Cheated On So Painful?

Any incident of infidelity is so excruciatingly painful to the victim, making you wonder why is being cheated on so painful? While people have their reasons, such as connecting it to being among the worst forms of betrayal, the pain is related to something more than just that.

If your marriage or relationship has faced infidelity issues, you probably have felt the pain. The Pain is compared to the psychic disorientation and confusion experienced by the victims of natural disasters.

Why Is Being Cheated On So Painful?

You feel betrayed

Many say that cheating is among the worst forms of betrayal. Being in a committed relationship means you have invested so much in a healthy relationship. You made promises to each other. You learned to trust each other with time. You loved and had seen a future with your partner. But all these come crumbling down after your partner cheats. 

You feel they have betrayed the relationship that you had built. You begin feeling they do not care about your feelings anymore. These thoughts bring so much pain—worst when you can’t figure out what is next between you. 

Cheating can happen when a relationship is at its best, and everything is working perfectly. How do you deal with such betrayal? How do you trust your partner again? It becomes so painful when the confusion kicks in.

You Picture your partner in the act

When you realize your partner cheated on you, your mind begins to picture them in the act of infidelity with their lover. You start imagining them having sex, you imagine them going out, and even sexting. Why are these imaginations so painful? It’s because they make you feel you were replaced in your rightful place.  These are things you should be doing with your partner and not the third party. You feel you have been deprived of your ownership rights in a committed relationship. The feeling of sharing your partner with someone else is so painful to bear for anyone.

It makes you feel worthless

Cheating lowers your self-esteem and makes you feel you are not good enough. The pain even worsens when you realize that your partner’s lover was more attractive and better–according to them. You feel so worthless and not valuable enough for your partner. This feeling can be one of the significant causes of your agony.

Your relationship/marriage expectations have been violated

Everyone enters a relationship or marriage with high expectations to share romance, sexual experiences, emotional feelings, and faithfulness. 

When your partner cheats, all your expectations are violated, and it feels like they just committed a crime. Such violation destroys your future expectations in the relationship, and you find it hard to rebuild your relationship.

You fear the future

Fear is just natural when you have been cheated on. The fear is even worse since the person who was supposed to love you and care for you only hurt you. The life you were used to has come to an end, and it’s up to you to make the next tough choices. You fear about how the future will look like after you have made the decision. However, you must be courageous to make a tough decision and start a new life. If you do not make the decision, the pain will just prevail.

Your partner’s cheating makes you feel guilty

The pain you feel grows when you begin feeling guilty and asking yourself whether you did enough for them. What if you did things differently? Would they still cheat on you? You blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity. The guilt causes you more pain. 

However, you should know that it was never about you. Your partner chose to commit infidelity by themselves. They had a chance to do the right thing but decided to stray, for their reasons.

You play victim

It is often common to play the victim when you have been cheated on. Playing victim causes grief. You cry and get angry most of the time. The more you keep playing the victim, the more the pain worsens. 

When you think of the shame your partner has caused you

You can no longer face your friends and family and talk to them as you used to. Your partner’s act caused you an embarrassment that is difficult to bear. You get hurt so much when you think of the relationship they have destroyed for you. It gets so painful when you imagine what your friends could be talking about behind your back. You even wonder in agony when you do not know how you will approach them when they already know what happened.

You think they are not affected 

Most people always want to see their cheating partner carrying the cross and suffering from what they did. It hurts the victim when they start thinking that the cheater got away scot-free after cheating, leaving them with all the effects of cheating.

You want them to be responsible for their actions and feel the effects they have brought you. When the desire for revenge gets wild, it can derail and affect your life too. 

It causes you too much pain that you can do things you may later regret.

The negative emotions

Your spouse’s infidelity leads to several negative emotions that can cause numerous health conditions such as insomnia, chest pains, constipation, and other disorders that can make you feel unwell. 

The emotional pain and betrayal can also cause you back pain, loss of appetite and affect your life if you do not know how to survive infidelity.

Conclusion

Being cheated on is so painful because it affects your life in different ways, emotionally and physically. When your everyday life is threatened, you get confused and disoriented.

However, despite the pain, knowing why you are hurting so much is the first step to help you heal and move on after infidelity.