If you are trying to heal a relationship with a partner who has cheated and you notice any of these signs of a serial cheater then leave them now. A serial cheater is just like it sounds, a person who has cheated not just once but multiple times. These are the worst type of cheaters because they do not stop this habit while still in a relationship even if they say they will make a commitment to stop cheating. Being in a relationship with a serial cheater is detrimental to your own well being if you are expecting them to stop cheating. These people will not stop cheating and here is why;
Deeply Insecure
One of the first signs of a serial cheater is that they are all deeply insecure. They can have a highly attractive partner and a good relationship with them yet they will still cheat with someone who is not as attractive. This would mean that they are not actually looking for sensual attraction but they are looking to have a higher sense of power over someone else. Serial cheaters are so insecure they seek out anyone they can cheat with that will make them feel less inferior then there own partner who they actually love. Sometimes they are not cheating for sex but more for feeling powerful, especially if they are highly desired by someone less attractive then them.
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Narcissism
Narcissism plays a large role with serial cheaters, they think they are so entitled that they should be able to do anything they want. This is one of the top critical signs of a serial cheater because nothing is their fault. A true narcissist will display signs of pathological selfishness, if you notice intense selfishness at the start of any relationship, beware! Narcissistic signs related to cheating would be; flirting and not caring how you feel about it, meeting an ex-partner for coffee and not feeling the need to tell you, cheating on you once and saying its your fault and taking no responsibility of their own. These are just a few examples.
Loves Instant Gratification
Shopping spree’s, constantly driving fast in unsafe conditions, mountains of credit card debt and just about anything you can think of that seems like an addiction to instant gratification is closely linked to serial cheaters. These cheaters just want to get the high of dopamine flooding their brain regardless of the consequences. This was shown in a USA study that had 181 volunteers found out that 50 percent of the participants with a long allele variant of the D4 dopamine receptor gene had been cheaters, compared to only 22 percent of the participants who had the short allele.
Entitlement
Closely linked to narcissism as one of the signs of cheating however there is a difference. With narcissism the entitlement is instant, they have and always will feel entitled to anything they want. With a serial cheater who might not be a textbook narcissist, they will create a sense of entitlement specific to frequent cheating. They have rationalized and justified their reasons for cheating and if they are ever questioned about why they have cheated in the past you will only hear all the reasons why they did it and that they were justified to do so. You will not hear them say, “I did it because of this reason, but I was wrong in doing so”.
Frequent Liar
They cant be a cheater and not a liar but a liar is not always a cheater. Frequency and the depth of the lie is the key difference. What kind of lies you have caught them in, how often they lie and what it was about all play a role. A serial cheater will be lying all the time and it won’t be white lies. They are usually big lies about their past, previous partners and maybe even what they do for work and the city they live in. If you catch them in any big lies, it’s highly possible they are lying about other parts of their life, such as being monogamous or not.
Obsessively Social
Of all the signs of a serial cheater you will notice this one easily, they love to be social. Not just on the weekends but all the time. They will constantly be reaching out to people and groups to hangout, to the point you will see that they are never alone. The fear of being alone scares them so much they will always be looking to keep busy with people and line up their next intimate date. Being obsessively social allows them to constantly meet new people which makes it easier for them to find their next hook up.
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Avoidant Attachment
This is usually developed at a young age, caused by parents or caregivers who are emotionally unavailable. This emotional unavailability then passes onto the child and they develop the same trait, this is what could make a serial cheater selfish, show narcissism, have low self esteem and display no regard for their partners feelings when they frequently cheat.
-The signs of a serial cheater are critical to know if you suspect your partner or your new date to be a cheater. If they are a cheater that can be devastating news, what’s even worse is if they show any of the signs of a serial cheater because that means they will not change. The odds of them changing is so slim that it is not worth the time or stress.
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You wrote all this and it is true with my partner. I caught him cheating not once but several times. He locks his phone. He goes to the bar everyday gets drunk and come home petting my dog and cat. Telling me he loves me but he goes to the bar to unwind. Funny thing is he has alcohol here and me. I was involved in a serious accident and I am so alone. He always telling me he is sorry but he isn’t because he would stop doing what he does if he was and if he truest loved me he would stop. I have most of my stuff packed and I am looking for a way out. But you described my partner to a tee.