Should You Stay With Someone Who Cheated On You? 9 Critical Things to Consider

Dealing with cheating is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. It feels like a huge betrayal and can leave you feeling shattered and doubting your self-worth. But the toughest part might be deciding whether to stay or leave someone you’ve invested so much in emotionally, mentally, and even financially.

It’s not easy to walk away from someone you’ve built your life with and wake up next to every morning. But did you know that according to breakup stats from 2021, 60% of couples get back together after a breakup? Still, whether or not you reconcile depends greatly on why you broke up in the first place and how much you want to make it work again.

Thinking about giving a second chance isn’t odd at all. But you’ve got to wonder: what if the same thing happens again? As someone who’s been helping couples for years, here are a few points to consider before making this huge decision. It’s all about protecting yourself and those you love from going through the same pain again.

1. Are You In Love?

Someone who cheated on you may say that they love you, but love is an emotion that seems to come and go within relationships. Love experts have said that “people don’t just fall out of love, they stop working on the love”. 

If you are still in love, you must weigh your options. Do they still love you, and they made a terrible mistake? You might be in love, and your heart is broken; thinking it would be easier to leave them than to stay is untrue. Your heart will require as much work to heal the heartbreak as it will heal the relationship.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to dig deeper into your feelings and situation:

• Do I still feel love for my partner, or is it more about comfort and familiarity?
• Can I separate my emotions of love from the pain of betrayal?
• Am I holding on because I’m truly in love, or am I afraid of change?
• How would my life change if I chose to leave?
• Is my love strong enough to work through this challenge?
• Do I believe our relationship can become stronger after addressing this issue?

2. How Did The Cheating Happen?

Cheating is a break of trust and respect no matter how it happens. Should you stay with someone who cheated on you when they are extremely regrettable about the infidelity? 

Well, how did it happen? Did they go out for a coffee date, then bring them back to your house when you were not there, and then choose to cheat in your own home? That would be a strong act of disrespect and trust, and we would have to strongly lean towards leaving this person. 

However, where they blackout drunk and someone took advantage of them while they were not even present in their mind? Maybe that’s up for discussion, and you can work through the cheating.

These would be two very different sides of cheating. How it happens can show the length of distrust your partner went through to cheat on you. The other side is the lack of maturity and mindfulness that shows that maybe you can work through what happened, but your partner will need to learn a lot about themselves.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• Was the cheating a premeditated act, or was it a result of a momentary lapse in judgment?
• Did they plan and execute the cheating, indicating deeper deceit?
• Were they in a compromised state, such as being blackout drunk, where their actions were not fully under their control?
• Are they extremely regretful and showing genuine remorse?
• Have they taken full responsibility for their actions without making excuses?
• Was this a one-time occurrence, or have there been other instances of dishonesty or disrespect?
• Is this behavior indicative of a larger pattern that might continue in the future?

3. Remorse?

Does your partner express any remorse? Does your partner blame you for their actions? Remorse and regret are gauges that will show you if they truly felt bad for their actions. If they know they were in the wrong no matter what happened and are willing to correct their actions, then they will express remorse by first saying that they are sorry.

 This should be followed by an apology and a willingness to ensure that it won’t happen again. This could be as simple as your partner saying, “What do I need to do to make this better?” If they focus on you being the problem, it’s a red flag, as they might even be manipulative.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• Has my partner apologized sincerely for their actions without making excuses?
• Do I believe their apology is genuine, or does it feel forced or insincere?
• Has my partner asked how they can make things right and prevent this from happening again?
• Are they open to counseling or other help addressing the underlying issues?
• Are they focused on my well-being and our relationship, or are they trying to shift the blame onto me?
• Has my partner shown through their actions that they are committed to making amends?
• Are they making a consistent effort to rebuild trust and improve our relationship?

4. How Did You Find Out?

Should you stay with someone who cheated on you for years without telling you? That might be obvious, but how did you find out? Did they confess? Did you stumble upon a text message? There are a lot of variables, and the more variables that make it easier to trust again, the better. 

Such as remorse, the willingness of correction, a short span of infidelity or one-time cheating, that you both still get along well and do care for each other. All of those add up to make a shift in how you process the cheating and the ability to stay with your partner.

If they confessed to you what happened, promised it won’t happen again, and said it was a mistake, then it is possible you should consider working it out. If your relationship, other than that moment of distrust, has been successful, and there have been no other acts of mistrust, then there is an opportunity to rebuild. At this point, a relationship counselor is necessary, along with a personal counselor, to help you through the process.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• Is there remorse and a willingness to change from your partner?
• How strong was the relationship before the infidelity?
• Are you both willing to work on the relationship through counseling?
• Can you forgive and move forward from this betrayal?
• Do you still care for each other and have a strong emotional bond?

5. Willing To Get To The Root Of The Issue

Infidelity within a relationship usually expresses a bigger issue within the relationship. This expression shows that intimacy, communication, shared values, beliefs, and other relationship ideals could be the problem. 

If your partner has cheated, and you are considering if you should stay with them or not, consider this. How far are they willing to go to the root of the problem? Are they suggesting therapy? Counselling? Are they asking you what ‘they’ need to do to correct it? Are they reaching out for help to keep the relationship alive? If your partner has cheated and is leaving it up to you to fix the relationship, then NO!

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

1. Is your partner willing to get to the root of the issue?
2. Are they suggesting therapy or counseling?
3. Are they asking what they need to do to correct the problem?
4. Are they actively seeking help to keep the relationship alive?

6. Do You Have Kids?

Now, one of the biggest impacts of this situation is on the children because of their fragile emotional and mental state. According to the 2022 statistics report on Divorce, Approximately one in two children will experience their parents’ marriage breaking up. In America, 21% of children are being raised without their fathers. 

Before you make any hasty choices, it’s crucial to think about your kids. If they’re old enough, have a heart-to-heart conversation with them. See how they’re doing and what they think. It’s really important to consider how your decision will impact their lives.  

Remember, it was all about you and your partner before you had kids. But now, you have these amazing kids whose future totally depends on the decisions you make. Your choices will deeply affect their lives, so take a moment to think them through carefully.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• How will this decision affect my children emotionally and mentally?
• Are my children old enough to understand and communicate their feelings about this situation?
• What are my children’s current needs, and how will they be impacted by this change?
• Can I ensure a stable and supportive environment for my children post-separation?
• How will my children’s relationship with their other parents change?
• How will this decision affect my children’s future, including their education and social relationships?
• Am I making this decision in the best interest of my children’s long-term well-being?

7. How was Your Relationship Before Cheating?

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we find ourselves in situations where trust is shattered. It’s a tough spot to be in, especially when you’ve been nothing but faithful. A recent online poll showed a divide in opinions between men and women when it comes to giving a cheater a second chance.

 About 62% of women felt that a cheating partner shouldn’t get another shot, while 52% of men were open to trying to work things out. As a relationship expert, I advise you to take a step back and look at your relationship through a clear lens. 

Is your partner genuinely remorseful? Are they willing to put in the effort to rebuild the trust that’s been broken? And perhaps most importantly, do they truly deserve a second chance from you?

It’s a tough call, no doubt about it. But trust your instincts and make the decision that’s best for you. After all, you deserve to be with someone who values and respects your commitment.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• Do I feel valued and respected in the relationship despite the betrayal?
• Have any patterns of dishonesty or betrayal in the past that I may have overlooked or dismissed?
• How do I perceive my partner’s commitment to our relationship moving forward?
• Can I trust my partner again? What steps can they take to rebuild that trust?
• Am I considering giving them another chance out of fear of being alone or because I genuinely believe they can change?
• Have I addressed any underlying issues in our relationship that may have contributed to the infidelity?

8. Your Expectations in Relationship:

 Infidelity is a tough pill to swallow, no doubt. But according to the latest stats from 2024, a whopping 77% of men and a staggering 91% of women admitted to dabbling in some form of emotional affair. When it comes to relationships, nobody’s perfect.

 We all have our ups and downs. But if you’ve got someone who cares for you and is willing to work through problems, that’s something special.  So, If you’ve got a partner who’s willing to own up to their faults, learn from them, and march forward together, you’re onto something golden. Because let’s be real, folks, second chances can lead to some pretty magical stuff. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• What specific values and behaviors do I prioritize in a relationship, and are these being upheld?
• How effectively am I communicating my needs, concerns, and emotions to my partner?
• Am I genuinely open to forgiving my partner for their mistakes, and what factors influence my willingness to do so?
• Have I clearly defined my boundaries and communicated them to my partner? Are these boundaries being respected?
• Reflecting on recent events, what actions or behaviors may have influenced the situation?

9. Has Your Relationship Overcome Challenges in the Past?

One key sign of a healthy relationship is how partners depend upon each other during hardships. Whether dealing with toxic relationships outside of your personal life or facing financial or health problems, it’s important to lean on each other for help.

Take a second to reflect on how you and your partner emotionally assist each other in difficult times. Does their presence help you overcome the challenge? Do they stand by your side, cheering you on through thick and thin? Because, let’s face it, life is a roller coaster, and if you’ve been through the bad times together without letting it tear you apart, this is a terrific sign of a happy and healthy relationship.

Before making any major decisions in your relationship, consider all the tough times you’ve faced together and deeply analyze your partner’s reaction. It will help you a lot in making the right decision. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself in this situation:

• How do I feel emotionally supported by my partner during difficult times?
• Do I feel my partner is genuinely invested in my well-being and success?
• Have we faced significant challenges together, and how did we handle them as a team?
• Do I trust my partner to be there for me when I need them most?
• Do we communicate our needs and challenges effectively and work together to find solutions?
• Have there been betrayals or lack of support, and how have we addressed them?

Final Words:

Infidelity inside relationships is at an all-time high; this can be due to two factors. Either humans are much less happy with monogamous relationships, or more people are inclined to be involved in some infidelity.

 With the ease of meeting millions of new people through social media, we always need to work on our relationships and ourselves to ensure that our companion’s needs are met with our own. 

This is the best way to ensure that cheating does not affect your relationship, and if it does, we have the tools to restore and heal the connection without losing the whole thing we’ve invested in it. 

As a relationship advisor, I advise you to write down all of the questions I have stated above in the blog and then answer them carefully because, according to the well-known quote by Charles Kettering, “A Problem Well Stated is Half Solved.”