What Are The Signs Of A Toxic Marriage

The signs of a toxic marriage can be slightly different to everyone, what is normal to one couple can be completely different to another couple. The signs we are going to present to you are deemed toxic in all relationships. If at any point in your marriage you notice any of these signs, you will want to take some time to heal this marriage and start focusing on each other’s happiness again. Be open to receiving help from multiple sources, books, counsellors, and educational courses. If not you are on a downhill spiral of a failing marriage.

1. Ignoring Your Gut Feelings

A toxic marriage might be hard for your mind to process, according to couples therapist Susan Pease Gadoua, co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels. “We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama.” Our mind says we can fight through this, but our gut is telling us something else. Have you ever ignored your gut feeling and then something bad happened? That gut feeling is your innate instincts giving you subtle information that your mind cannot process, if it tells you something is wrong it probably is.

2.Day Dreaming About a Future Without Your Partner

A toxic marriage can be marked if you ever catch yourself fantasizing about a life without your partner. This could be a fantasy about actually having an affair and the details of how it would go, or making specific plans in your future that doesn’t include your partner. If you ever notice that you are daydreaming about this often, take note of how it makes you feel. If you feel excited and happy about cheating or not having a future with them then obviously there is a serious problem. If you feel anxious, sad or fear than you know you your mind is still in synch with your heart and connected to your partner, you haven’t completely disconnected from them.

3.One Or More Of The Big 4 Relationship Killers

The first one is constantly criticizing your partner, with statements that are attacking, blaming, or telling them its always their fault. Next is expressing contempt, that would be calling your partner embarrassing names, attempting to hurt their feelings or bring them down a notch. If you jump to immediately being defensive and refusing responsibility, which could be expressed as attacking against constructive criticism that is gentle and intended to help you be a better partner. If you or your partner emotionally shut down, is another relationship killer. If an issue is brought to the table and you do not openly communicate about it, you are closing shutting down an opportunity to trust and feel safe with each other.

4.Not Willing To Get Help Or Work On Relationship

If you or your partner are not willing to work on yourself to better the relationship then this could be another sign of a toxic marriage. It’s going to take the two of you to heal an issue, if one of you is not willing it will be a lot harder to move forward together. There is not a lot that happens in a relationship that can not be healed with counselling or education. One of the first steps to healing a toxic marriage is to start working on yourself as a person and a couple. There are a lot of couples that can work past cheating, if they can do that then together you can work past anything.

5.No More Fighting

This one seems counter-intuitive, but we are not talking about being happy and not fighting. We are talking about giving up, not fighting anymore because you are so tired of fighting you have begun to ignore issues that still bother you on the inside. This unresolved conflict will still continue to build up burying any love you have for each other leaving you feeling even more distant from each other. Ultimately it’s up to you and your partner to choose to come together and sort out your differences. Love is a choice, you can choose to continue to work through things and be in love, or let it all fall apart.

6.No Sex Life/Intimacy

Not every couple has a beaming sex life, if it’s not sex then it must be some level of intimacy. Sex therapists say if you are having sex less than 10 times a year or not at all then this could be a problem. After all, intimacy is what separates friendship from a romantic relationship. If not sex then intimacy can be as simple as cuddling, holding hands or a gentle massage.  Jane Greer, relationship therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, says that a lack of visible physical affection — like kissing or hugging — is also indicative of a real problem.

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-A toxic marriage can be healed but first, you need to be aware that you are actually in one. You might be thinking your marriage has a few problems, yes that’s common and can be worked out easily, but if you notice any of these signs then you really need to start saving your marriage. One step at a time it can be done. A balance of consistent effort, without forcing it to happen will renew your happiness.

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