8 Things To Say To Your Cheating Partner

When your partner admits to having an affair, it could mean they are ready to right their wrongs and begin healing. However painful it may be. The case is different when you find out that they have been cheating on you. Regardless of how you found out, you are just about to have an in-depth conversation with them. If you want to save your marriage or relationship, you need to find answers to rebuild your relationship with the cheater. You have to know the things to say to your cheating partner.

The news could trigger anger, depression, shock, pain, and sadness, but after letting yourself feel whatever it needs to feel, you have to come back to reality and talk to them. 

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Will you ask the questions that will just cause you more pain? Or will you ask questions that will settle all the issues? And above all, do the questions seek the truth to help you heal?

Suppose you are wondering if things to say to your cheating partner when they have cheated on you. Here are a few things to start to say or ask to create an in-depth conversation with them.

Tell them about how you feel.

Things to say to your cheating partner
Source: The Irish Times

Your cheating partner has to know the effects of cheating they have caused you. They need to know they have done something wrong and they hurt you. Tell them about how they have ruined your trust and how their betrayal has caused pain to you.

However, do not do this with an angry, shouting voice. It’s not the time to cause arguments that will hurt you more. Approach them calmly and ask them whether they have time for the talk.

When talking about how you feel, do not blame them for what they caused. Talk to them exactly how you feel and not how they have made you feel.

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Ask them why they cheated on you.

“I want to understand why…” could be better to use when beginning this conversation about why they cheated.

Such phrases will naturally open them up and be willing to speak of what reasons made them cheat on you.

Do not make this public. Make sure you are in a private place where they will feel free to talk about it openly.

Show them that you are ready to lend them an ear and make them feel safe in the process.

The best time for such conversations is nighttime. Even when your relationship is facing infidelity, there is no such better time than the bedtime talk.

Creating an environment for such talks with your partner will help you find some answers that may be crucial for the relationship.

Ask them if they have/will end the affair.

Some cheaters do not end their affairs even after being caught. So this is something you need to know and let your partner answer it.

It is not just about ending the sexual affair by their affair partner, but also ending the emotional cheating that has been going on between them. Ask them whether they still talk to each other.

If your partner is serious about recovering from infidelity, they will not want to keep any contact with their affair partner.

They may insist you are the only person they love but still find a way to cheat on you. So make sure your cheating partner is contained and does not talk about or with their affair partner.

Ask them whether they will work on rebuilding what they destroyed.

When cheaters are caught, most of them often beg their partners not to leave them. They will promise everything to prove to you they are willing to change and be better partners.

But most of them, after being accepted back, never change. They even forget it is their responsibility to rebuild what they destroyed. You even wonder whether cheating has effects on cheaters

Tell them how you want to work together from now henceforth. That you need to see them being responsible and putting some effort towards healing and taking back your relationship to where it was but with greater foundations.

Ask them what went wrong.

This question aims at pinpointing the exact issues in your relationship that made them stray. Does he mention any specific reasons why they cheated? If they have a particular reason why they cheated, it is time to reflect on it and see whether you can change the situation or avoid it in the future.

Add some follow up questions to shed more light on why they thought cheating could solve the issue they mentioned.

Ask them whether they would cheat again on you.

If this is not the first time they are cheating, you may have a relationship with a serial cheater. Chances are they will cheat again in the future. But if they are cheating for the first time, it could be a one time thing, and they can change completely after the first time. 

You will tell whether their response is genuine or they are just seeking to please you.

Ask the reasons why they think you should stay with them.

Let them give reasons why they think your relationship should be saved. If they still want to stay with you, they will always find some positives in the ruined relationship. They will even see a better future with you and would mean it.

Tell them, “It’s Over.”

Sometimes there could be nothing to be salvaged in your relationship after infidelity. This is mostly the case when they have been cheating on multiple occasions, and everything seems not to work.

Instead of your partner causing you too much pain all the time, it’s better to leave and tell them it’s over.

Move on, and maybe you will find someone better.


Having more in-depth conversations with an unfaithful partner will give you hints whether you should stay and fight for your relationship even after infidelity or just leave them.

With things to say to your cheating partner at hand, you will easily find out whether they are serious about healing or they deserve to be left.

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