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Signs Your Partner Secretly Resents You

We all dream of a loving partner. After all, that’s what relationships should be about: love. Right? It may therefore come as a shocker that your partner may be harboring feelings of contempt. Most of the time, these emanate from anger and issues that are left to fester. They end up clouding your once-happy relationship with bitterness. If you do not get to the bottom of it, things could get out of hand. To do so, you should get to know the following signs that your partner secretly resents you.

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Withholding Intimacy and Affection

partner secretly resents you
Source: Talkspace

When you love someone, you want to show them physical affection constantly. Whether it is in the form of hugs, kisses, or cuddles, you cannot stand being far from them. It is, therefore, unusual if your partner starts to get less and less affectionate.

When this happens, your sex life is also likely to get affected. Sexual intimacy should come naturally and from a place of love. It is strange when it starts to feel awkward and forced. Your partner may be doing it just for the sake of it. This may be a sign of resentment.

They may also not want to sleep with you altogether. Many excuses may be presented as to why they cannot engage or why ‘it is not a good time.’ They could be withholding affection and intimacy as a way to retaliate. 

The Silence is Too Much

It is beautiful when as a couple, you get to a place where you can enjoy each other’s company, even in silence. However, the silence can get damning. And, this is not a good sign. If your partner used to be excited about sharing things with you, and now they don’t, they could be harboring some bitterness. They may no longer seem interested in giving you details about their day or other things happening in their lives.

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Conversations are important as they keep the relationship going. Without them, your relationship cannot move forward and is bound to fail. Therefore, if conversations are getting rare every day, you need to look into it. It could be that your partner is withdrawing. And it could be out of resentment.

Increased Passive Aggression

Talking things out is a sign of a healthy relationship. It will therefore come as a surprise when your partner is no longer opening up to you. They would rather keep things to themselves. This bottled-up frustration may lead to vengeance in the form of passive-aggressive behavior. They will start doing things like giving you the silent treatment.

They may also start to intentionally get under your nerves by doing things they know you dislike. For instance, they may leave dirty clothes lying around the house, knowing that you hate them. They may also fail to do things that they had agreed to do initially. Additionally, they may ‘forget’ things they know mean a lot to you. Resentment may be underlying these behaviors.

Unpleasant Jokes

Couples tease each other all the time. However, there is a thin line between playful jokes and utter mockery. If your partner is constantly making snide comments paraded as ‘jokes,’ then it could be coming from a place of hate. They may be bitter, and without a better way of expressing their feelings, they come out in the form of unpleasant jokes. To make matters worse, they might do this in front of other people.

The statement ‘it was just a joke,’ is likely to be used every time you bring it up. Although they might try to justify their comments, deep down, you will feel their true intentions. They are probably using humor to cover up their resentment.

Constantly Picking Fights

partner secretly resents you

Arguments occur, even in healthy relationships. However, it is not normal to be constantly in squabbles. It is more so alarming when one person is always sparking the arguments. If your partner is secretly resenting you, they may start to pick fights with you constantly. They want to argue over even the most insignificant of things. They may also try to bait you into arguing or ‘angering’ them. The reason behind this is to probably give them an excuse to yell at you.

You may also notice that the fights are getting more intense and nonobjective. This could owe to the fact that they are being driven by bitterness.

Suspiciously Non-confrontational

As stated above, couples must disagree every so often. Therefore, the flip side of constantly arguing is also a cause for concern. This refers to a person who becomes suspiciously non-confrontational. This means that they are no longer bothered to pick fights, even about things that matter most to them.

They are also likely to stop asking you to do things they would constantly ask you to do previously. Instead, they might hit you with a dismissive and unwilling “Never mind, I’ll just do it.” This shows that they have come to resent you. They no longer expect or care if you do these things.

No Appreciation for Your Efforts

Appreciation is key when it comes to keeping each other happy in a relationship. From simple words of affirmation to kind gestures, there are many ways to appreciate your partner. If you are not getting any of these from your partner, they are likely not appreciating your efforts. They may be doing this out of resentment.

Constantly Bringing You Down

A partner who is constantly bringing you down is a major sign of one who secretly resents you. It is okay for your partner to correct you. After all, you are here to help each other grow. It is, however, a different story if they get overly critical, even about small things. It may seem as if they only see the bad in you.

This may not be coming from a good place. Instead, they may be doing this to intentionally bring you down due to the resentment they have kept inside.


It is unfortunate when resentment sets into a relationship. Watch out for the above signs that your partner may be secretly resenting you. If you notice them, you will need to have a long talk with your partner. Sometimes, partner resentment can be resolved. Other times, it’s just unsalvageable.

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