Should You Tell The Truth That You Cheated?

Are you thinking about whether or not you should tell the truth that you cheated? You probably know that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. If you don’t know that, you need a reminder that trust is the glue that holds together healthy and enjoyable long-term relationships. When someone is cheating, it’s not the specific romantic act that hurts the most, usually, it’s the lying, the manipulation, the lies of omission’s and that they can no longer trust anything their partner says or does. Trust and being honest is the most important part of a relationship, but when it comes to whether or not you should tell the truth that you cheated it depends on a few factors.

Reasons To Not To Tell Them That You Cheated

  • You or your partner do not plan on keeping the relationship; If there has been clear communication that you are both on the way out of the relationship then there is no point in stirring the muck any further. In fact, it will seem more like an attempt to hurt them and start an argument that actually coming clean.
  • Your partner is not emotionally, mentally or physically healthy enough to process the information; If your partner is not doing well, it would be selfish of you to now have a truth moment. It takes a toll on the mind and body when someone finds out devastating news. In fact, if you decide to tell the truth that you cheated it could hold them back from healing and keep them unwell even longer.
  • If you are going to be in court with your partner for any reason, they might attempt to use the information against you; If for any reason, you are going to court against your partner do not give them the information that you cheated. Save that for much later or not at all. When you are in a court battle, people change. What you think they would never do, they might. The last thing you need is your partner twisting the story and making it worse than cheating already is.

Reasons Why You Should Tell Them That You Cheated

  • If you do value your relationship and plan to stay in the relationship you will need to come clean. Keeping a lie as deep as cheating from your partner can create static in the air. Your partner will eventually notice your emotional distance and unavailability. Also, people who get away with cheating usually will engage in further acts of infidelity.
  • Any cheater who decides not to tell their partner that they cheated always has an internal justification of why they cheated. This is a very specific form of denial and rationalization, which usually comes down to thinking that what your partner doesn’t know won’t hurt them. The truth is that betraying your partner is noticeable even if you don’t tell them what happened. They will feel some form of either physical or emotional distance from you. All too often they blame themselves for this and question everything they do and have done to create this distance when in the end it was you who made the choice.
  • The truth can set you free and help reset the relationship; The key to resetting your damaged relationship is to come clean and begin the process of restoring trust. Yes, trust will be broken. However, the truth is that the trust was broken the moment you cheated. It will take some time to repair and regain trust, but the process of healing will tie the two of you together even deeper. You need to begin by telling the truth about everything all the time. Even if you think it will hurt your partner’s feelings, like when they ask you if you like their outfit, you need to be honest. This level of honesty will show them you are serious about your integrity, vulnerability and deep desire to always be honest with them.

Professional Advice

When it comes to making big decisions in your life, there is no harm in reaching out for professional advice. A professional can help guide you in your decision to tell the truth that you cheated or to not tell the truth and help you recognize why it’s in both parties’ best interest. You will want to specifically find a relationship counsellor for advice on this matter. They will be able to help you with any issues you may have around this situation, especially if you are a repeat cheater or if you just need some help categorizing your thoughts and sharing them with your partner where a third-party professional can help the conversation between the two of you.

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-Remember that if you choose to be honest and tell the truth that you cheated, it doesn’t immediately make things better. Your partner will most likely become angry, which is a natural reaction and valid. You may feel a bit lighter that you let go of a deep secret, but the journey to growing together has just begun. By being fully honest with your partner together you will become more intimate than ever before. This intimacy is on all levels, emotionally and eventually physically.

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