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Should You Date Your Ex’s Friend? 7 Things To Know

Date Ex's friend

Many situations you face in your life can make you question the ingenuity of the universe. Some are funny, some harsh and some are beautifully ironic. One of them is dating your Ex’s friend.

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You didn’t plan nor seek it out, it just sort of happened. You’re into them, there is some serious chemistry and you are head over heels in love.  But there’s only one problem, they have a history with one of your friends!

Dating your Ex’s friend is one of the most unenviable predicaments: You either walk away from a person who might end up as the love of your life or jeopardize one of your friendships.

Even though you have set the unspoken rules in your friendship or otherwise known as the bro and girl code, the guidelines might be harmless. Here are things you need to know about dating your Ex’s Friend.

Are you dating your Ex’s Friend for the right reasons?

Date your Ex's friend
Source: Men’s Variety

No one likes to believe the person they are over heels in love with is dating them for the wrong reasons, but there are extreme levels of pettiness. Only make a move to date your Ex’s friend only when you genuinely have feelings for them. Never make a move to get back to your Ex or make them jealous by dating their friend.

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It is one thing to risk your friendship for a genuine connection that you can’t help but what if you are dating your Ex’s friend just to seek revenge? So it’s best to clear the bad air between you and your Ex before making any decision.

Is it worth losing your friend?

Date your ex's friend

One of the most important questions you should ask is: is this relationship worth losing a friend? Is it just a fling or something more? The distinction between they are kind of cute, fun to be with or you’re sure you have a connection is the last important factor to deciding if dating your Ex’s friend is worth it.

Sometimes you may talk to your friend about it and they are initially okay with it. However, with time they will distance themselves from you. This doesn’t mean that they want to punish you but the reality of getting close to their ex is just too much. However, this should not scare you but it is just a hint that your friend might ghost you.

You should let your friend have as much space as they need, more so if their actions point to some reservations about your new partner.

Is your Friend over their Ex?

How serious was their relationship? The length of their relationship does not equate to the depth of the feelings involved. However, serious relationships may take time to get over. Getting involved with someone with unresolved feelings is the last thing you would like to do.

Consider talking to your friend about the seriousness of their relationship with the person you’re thinking of dating. They might just give you a go-ahead which they do not genuinely mean so be keen on their body language and voice tone. You know your friend better and you will know when they are withholding their feelings or when they are keeping it real. 

Besides, remember communication is a must for every healthy relationship. When you leave the conversation and you are still unsure about your friend’s feelings then you need more conversations about it. 

How long ago did they break up?

Dating your Ex’s friend from kindergarten and one from last month is different. If it is a relationship from long ago your friend might not care and may even welcome the relationship with a little humor.

Breakups and closure take time and dating your friend’s recent Ex can seriously affect their ability to move on. Some partners break up but are still in love with their ex. Besides, it might warrant a few side-eye glances from your mutual friends.

Further, dating your Ex’s friend soon after the breakup might seem as if you were just waiting for a chance which probably you were not. So, before proceeding to date them, ensure that your friend and your ex have ample time to get over each other.

Tell your Ex!

If you want to date your Ex’s friend, ensure your Ex is kept in the loop. Although you might not be in touch with your Ex, it’s only fair to inform them more so if you met your Ex’s friend through them.

You don’t have to tell your Ex as a way of seeking permission from them but to show a little bit of respect to the person you once shared your life with. Besides, your Ex’s friend should also talk to your Ex about it if they want to have something exclusive with you.

Seek advice from other people

It is worthwhile to seek a fresh perspective from a third party who knows your ex too. If you have a common friend, consider asking for their advice on how you should go about it. It can be tricky when your Ex is completely against you dating their friend, so seeking a friend’s opinion is great!

Do what you feel is right

More often when dating your Ex’s friend, you will face many obstacles along the way. People will judge you and some might even ask you not to go ahead with your decision.

The situation revolves around three people; your ex, the friend, and you. So if your morals and ethics allow you to express feelings for your Ex’s friend, just go ahead with what feels right for you. However, you are responsible for your actions but if everything works out in the end, you’re good to go!


Life is so unpredictable and no hard and fast rule says you should never date your Ex’s friend. Before making a move, be thoughtful, considerate of their feelings, and be open as possible when deciding to date your Ex’s friend.

Besides, you all want to be happy and you are looking for someone with whom you can have a happily ever after. Just analyze your situation keenly before strong emotions are involved. Remember, most relationships that come out of complicated circumstances end up being the sweetest fairy tales!

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