Should I Confront The Outside Lover?

When your partner cheats on you, betrayal’s anger and feelings may trigger you to confront the outside lover. Sometimes you may find yourself reacting in a way you have never thought. But should you succumb to the compulsion and confront them? 

You may relieve some pain and even feel better after confronting the other person. While this can make you feel better at the time, the consequences might be worse than you can imagine.

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Obviously, you need someone to be responsible for hurting you. However, it may not be the right way to approach the situation. And here is why.

Reasons why you should never confront the outside lover

You’re not gaining anything

confront the outside lover

While it’s possible that confronting the other lover might give you more information, you should ask yourself whether you really need it. Some things better stay unknown in a relationship. But if you keep digging for the information, you may get what you don’t want to hear. 

Besides, you already have a clear perception of your partner. It can quickly change and affect your relationship depending on the information you have received from the other person.

In most cases, the information you get from the confrontation is not anything worthwhile. You will find a hard time processing the information, making things even harder for you.

The Outside Lover Might Feed You Lies

confront the outside lover

Affair partners do not feel responsible for your partner’s infidelity. Therefore, they can always lie to manipulate you and get the upper hand. Since they always want to be seen as innocent, they will blame you or your partner for your relationship issues. 

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Besides, if they have fallen for your partner, they can create convincing lies that can threaten your relationship’s stability. The outside lovers use lies as a strategy to completely demolish your relationship, hoping they will be the next in line.

Vengeance may not relieve your pain.

When you are hurting, it’s only natural to make the person causing the pain also feel it.  But the truth is that vengeance results in self-inflicted injuries rather than relief. Probably your personality does not seek to injure another person to have peace of mind. If you go against your integrity and confront the outside lover, you might suffer the pain for a long time and struggle to recover.

It’s A Waste Of Time

Invest your time wisely. As far as anyone is concerned, engaging in physical or verbal communication with the outside lover is a waste of time. Instead of wasting your time in such involvements, you should try and find the reasons why your partner strayed in the first place. Maybe your behavior is the underlying reason why your partner cheated. 

Don’t seek explanations from them. Sometimes, they are innocent, and your partner may be guilty. 

Your partner has all the answers.

confront the outside lover
Source: The Independent

Why risk getting manipulated and filled with lies by your partner’s outside lover? You can get all the information you need from your partner. If you need to confront anybody and hold them accountable for the pain, your partner should be your first destination. They are the ones that deserve to feel your wrath and frustrations.

It’s only common sense that they should be having the answers to why they cheated on you. Regardless of the answers, they might have, cheating and infidelity are unacceptable acts that every partner never entertains. 

Ask them why they betrayed the vows and promises. Ask them why they took your love for granted. Let guilt flow in their veins until they apologize and make themselves responsible for your pain.

It may bring more complications.

You don’t need to make the bad situation worse. A physical confrontation may expose your relationship issues to the public. Worse, your partner’s secret affair might be revealed to the public. If you cause this kind of a shame to your partner, they may not be able to forgive you. 

They will feel like you have invaded their privacy and crossed the line on some personal issues . Therefore, avoid, at any costs, confronting your partner’s outside lover. It could create a worse situation, where your partner will no longer feel the need to keep them a secret anymore. So they will walk with them freely since they are known.

Think of your partner’s response

confront the outside lover

If you decide to confront your partner’s lover, will they take it lightly? Will they take your side or accuse you of causing the drama? If the confrontation can cause many issues in the already troubled relationship, you don’t need to take that side of the road. 

In such cases, your spouse will rarely stay neutral. And if the underlying issues in your relationship are so severe, don’t be surprised if they humiliate you in front of everyone by protecting their lover.

Your partner may protect their lover since they have lost trust and the connection you shared. Besides, they may have fallen in love with the outside lover.

They might respond with hostility.

confront the outside lover

Every person has their own way of responding when they are confronted. Your partner’s outside lover might just respond with hostility and by attacking back. When this happens, you may get into unnecessary fights that are just shameful and damaging to your integrity.

Besides, while they might not respond at all when confronted, the reaction that will follow might be hard for you as they will seek to punish you instead.


It might only look fair that you confront the outside lover to help your partner end the affair with them. But while you think you are helping, you may be making the situation worse than it is. Take the first steps first, talk to your partner and find out why they are cheating on you. It may help you find a solution. But if you jump into confrontations, you might be embarrassed with what might happen out of it.

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