How To Start Dating Again After Divorce

Are you finding it hard to start dating again after divorce? Here’s all you need to know.

Ending your marriage can make you rethink everything you visualized love to be. But, this should not stop you from starting to date again after a divorce. Every person’s divorce story is different. You could have been married for decades, a few years, or even less than a year. The divorce idea could be your partner’s idea or maybe yours, but as in most divorce cases, you either feel relieved, heartbroken, or perhaps both.

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding your divorce, after some time you may find yourself having an interest in getting back into the game and putting yourself out there. Here are some helpful insights to give you a fighting chance of moving on and truly finding love again, and perhaps this might last your lifetime.

Ensure you are over your Ex and ready to date

Although you have signed the divorce papers, it does not mean you are completely over your Ex. If you can not stop thinking about your Ex-spouse, whether you are raising them or hating them, you need some time to get over your feelings before getting into the dating scene.

Take time to heal, get over your resentments and be emotionally healthy to open up to a new relationship. Be patient with yourself, and do not succumb to any pressure to date before you are ready.

Understand that chemistry doesn’t mean a long term connection

Lust could trick you into an attachment, so be judicious of the people you welcome in your dating pool and those you throwback into the fishing pond. When you come from a longtime marriage, craving for a spark-filled romance relationship is understandable.

Dating after a divorce might make you think the immediate blazing chemistry is the key thing to look for in a spouse. However, this is not the case. At times chemistry may take many dates to begin growing.

Ask if you’re are dating for the right reasons

Before you start dating again after divorce, ask yourself why you are doing it. If the “why” is to avoid the painful feelings you are going through, like hurt, anger, or loneliness, then don’t just jump back to dating. On the other hand, if the “why” is because you have taken time to heal and you now want to date more than you feel like you need to date, and you are ready for all the emotions that come with dating, then it’s a good sign that you are ready for dating.

To start dating after a divorce, you need some vulnerability, tolerance of uncertainty, and willingness to feel a range of emotions in the hopes of making positive new relationships.

Have reasonable expectations

When you start dating after a divorce, it is possible that your first relationship won’t be a rebound, but there are many “ifs” that go along with it. Many people who start to date after divorce think that this relationship won’t have its challenges.

 Another mistake people tend to make is comparing a new person to their ex or even thinking that correcting whatever issues you had with your ex will make your new partner happy. A post-divorce relationship can last when you have learned yourself and what role you played to the ending of your marriage.

Be honest about your past

Some people trying to date again after divorce give misleading information about their lives, interests, or even kids in an online profile or person. If you want successful dating, this is not the way to go because eventually, the truth will come out, and you don’t want to have wanted your efforts and time.

More so, you want to find a person who shares your values and will like you for who you are not via fake profiles.

Take it slow first

If you want a successful dating after divorce, consider taking every step carefully. Taking it slow first would mean having to talk over the phone a lot and go on many dates that are different in type. You could have different activities opportunities to talk and get to know each other.

Besides, do not rush to introduce a new partner to your family, more so where children are involved. Take your time to know someone before introducing them to your children. If you introduce someone too soon to the children, it could be confusing and troubling for them. Ensure you know your new partner well, and you will give them a chance to prove that they are in for this for the long- haul before introducing them to your kids.

Watch out for anyone who seems too perfect

Never are you in need of validation and affection than after ending a serious relationship. Although this is too natural, you can end up being victimized. Too perfect relationships are often flawless and may not have any good intentions.

When you start dating again after divorce, and every single box on your list is checked,  your partner pushes for quick commitment, makes incredible promises, or wants to be the only person in your life. You may be dealing with someone who might control you. One way you can stay safe from such is by getting reality checks from close friends and loved ones who can give an unbiased perspective of your situation.

Drawing a relationship map

One of the things you need to start dating after a divorce is a relationship map. Drawing a relationship map helps you to know where you have been and where you want to go.  As much as maps are considered essential for road trips and careers, they are equally essential for relationships.

Many people tend to jump into new relationships only to find the same mistakes recurring. To avoid this, analyze what worked for you or didn’t work in and identify your goals.  Visualize your journey, understand what you might have missed, and draw your relationship roadmap in a journey.

Conclusion

Do not be too afraid to start dating again after a divorce.  Get out there, be open to new love and experiences. However, if you have a bad feeling about someone, move on.  Always remember dating is interviewing, and beware of all the red flags.