Your marriage is failing, you know it but you really want to save your marriage from divorce and you are not sure what to do. You’ve tried many routes but you can’t seem to stop the arguing and negativity. Wouldnt it be great to get back to all those good years? Is it possible to take a broken marriage and renew it back to when you were both in love and happy? We are here to tell you its possible no matter what your partner has said about wanting a divorce you can stop it. It’s going to take some work, patience and trust. Work on these 7 steps and you will be well on your way to a happy marriage.
1.Dont Give Up
As long as one of you still wants to make it work, it is possible to save your marriage from divorce. Studies in the past have said that the divorce rate in the USA was at 50%, but since the 1980’s the divorce rate has come down to 40% according to the National Marriage Project. One of the top reasons why marriages have been holding together better than before is because people have become more comfortable with attending relationship counselling. Attending counselling has been helping couples get to the route cause of the relationship falling apart. If you have not stated with counselling, you are missing out on an important step to save your marriage from divorce.
2.Do Not Beg, Blame, Or Be A Victim
All three of these characteristics display insecurities and immaturity, any way you attempt to beg your partner to stay is usually not in line with your partner’s core values, they are based on what you think they want. You need to ask them, “if anything was possible, what could be different that would want you to naturally stay and work on the marriage?”Blaming the problems on them is another guarantee to push them far out of the marriage, you can be right or you can be married. Leave the “you did this wrong” for the marriage councillor to point out. Being a victim tells your partner you need deep healing and can leave them thinking you’ll be better off alone.
3.Accept Your Partners Feelings
As difficult as it may be, you need to accept that the person you love does not want to be with you anymore. Not only do you need to accept this feeling they have but you also need to communicate to them that you acknowledge how they feel. One of the first ways to move past this point of emotional pain that both of you area going through is to let them know you hear them by communicating with words “I know I haven’t been very loving and supportive to you” Even if you don’t agree, it is powerful and can help them let go of the need to keep fighting to prove their points.
4.Respond, Do Not React
After hearing that your partner wants a divorce, it’s natural for your mind and body to go into the reactive brain. This feeling of fight or flight will not help you save your marriage from divorce. If you notice you are feeling anxious, nervous, angry, or you just want to run away and ignore everything that is happening; these are all signals you are being reactive and are in fight or flight. The reactive brain will not save the marriage, it makes it worse. Reacting without thinking things through, means you are running from emotions and no logic. Have you ever asked someone for something and they snapped back at you, then later apologized? They reacted instead of responded.
5.Take Some Space
Have you ever gone on a good date with someone and they don’t reach out to you right after? It makes you feel like chasing them, or if you leave them alone after the date and they are wondering about you, then they are the one reaching out and wanting to connect with you. Even though your partner wants a divorce, you will benefit the marriage by giving them some space. Sometimes being around someone too much when their angry keeps them stuck in the anger. Space can also help you focus on what you need to process, de-stress and maybe organize your thoughts for the next time you speak.
6. Focus On The Positive, Not The Work
You have decided you want to save your marriage from divorce, you won’t give up, no more begging, you acknowledged your partner’s feelings, you’ve stopped reacting and have taken some space. Next time you to meet with your partner, you need to have this intention in mind; make the connection light-hearted and focus on positive memories that make both of you laugh. With less pressure and the connection not so serious you can both start to open your hearts to each other. After a few of these interactions, then you can start opening up about your desire to work with your partner on saving your marriage.
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7.Focus On Change
If you keep acting as you did you will stay on the path of divorce. Focus on the change and growth that will lead you to be a better person and partner. If you see the beginning of any confrontation stop it in its tracks with these keywords “I really care how you feel, this is not one person’s fault, we both need to calmly communicate better” Focus on changing the way you used to communicate, become a better version of yourself and show it to your partner every day. A great way to change is to use proven methods like the “save my marriage today” solution. If couples can work through affairs you can save your marriage from divorce.
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