How Cheating Starts: What Cheaters Do Or Say When They Are About To Cheat

You’re going about your daily life; everything with your partner appears normal, but your gut feeling whispers that something’s off. Then, one day, a message from a friend or a coworker comes through, hinting they’ve seen your partner frequently with someone else. Sounds familiar? This scenario is more common than many might think. 

A study from 2021 found that about 21% of Americans admit they’ve cheated on someone. That’s up a notch from 20% the year before. It shows that cheating is on the rise, and that’s a tough pill to swallow.

When someone cheats, it doesn’t just hurt; it knocks the wind out of you. It can make you question your self-worth and make it hard to trust anyone again. But, like catching a cold, the earlier you spot the signs of cheating, the better you can handle it.

So, what are we going to do about it? We will walk through common signs that might hint your partner is cheating. We’re here to give you the lowdown, help you figure out what’s up, and maybe even save you some heartache.

How Cheating Starts

Your partner may try as hard as possible to keep you in the dark when they are about to cheat. But if you are keen enough, these signs may reveal their secrets to you.

Appearance Makeover

Cheaters always want to look smart and impress when they go out. If our partner goes out of their way to look the best all the time, they may not be dressing for you. 

You can notice them change their style, enroll in a fitness class, and get a new hairstyle.

It’s perfect to look smart and dress well all the time. But if you notice this and other signs below, you may need to trust your intuition.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Increased Focus on Physical Appearance
• Secretive Behavior about Outings after dressing up.
• Receiving Unusual Compliments from Others.
• Change in Grooming Habits
• Defensiveness about Appearance Changes when you mention it.

Arguments

This can manifest itself in two different ways. Some people avoid arguments when they are about to cheat, while others will argue with you more often.

When your partner starts to avoid small arguments that show they care about you, it may be a sign that they are no longer invested in the relationship.

On the other hand, some people will argue more with you. They try as hard as possible to find reasons to feel less guilty for cheating. You will notice they criticize the issues in your relationship. They want to make you feel like you are not the best for them and that you are the reason they are about to cheat.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Less interested in resolving issues with you
• Increased Useless Arguments
• Heightened Criticism
• Deflecting Responsibility and blaming you 
• Emotional Withdrawal During Conflicts.

Micro-Cheating

Micro-cheating is one of the first signs of actual cheating in a relationship. A notable study shows 90% of women and 77% of men admit to engaging in emotional infidelity, suggesting that women might cheat more in this regard. So according to these stats, most cheating begins with emotional cheating. It starts with private messages, meeting up with the person behind your back, and spending more time with them, among other signs.

While micro-cheating may not lead to actual cheating, it depends on what you count as cheating in your relationship. To others, micro-cheating is considered cheating. It can potentially destroy your relationship completely if you let it happen.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Excessive Secretiveness with their devices. 
• Increased Private Communication.
• Changing Social Media Behavior.
• Unexplained Time Away.
• Emotional Withdrawal.

They Push You for Change

A person who wants to cheat may try and make you look like the other person they like. It may not mean they care if you notice them pushing you too much. They will not say it directly to you but suggest new things to try. Recent stats showed that issues in relationships lead 73% of women and 48% of men to infidelity.

Being in a relationship is about accepting one another as you are. And there is a difference between supporting each other to change and pushing them to change.

Behavioral Signs to Watch For:

• Subtle Comparisons with other person.
• Frequent Suggestions for New Styles or Hobbies.
• Criticism of Current Lifestyle.
• Urgency for Change.
• Dismissal of Your Reservations.

They Change Their Schedule

They are not busy. They are just changing their schedule to accommodate the other person. You may notice this if they give excuses like working late without explanations. Some may even convince you they have more business trips to attend. They might also change your plans and schedule out of the blue with excuses. In the USA, an alarming 36% of both men and women confess to having an affair with a co-worker, frequently spending more time with them than with their spouses.

 Here are five behavioral signs to watch for

• Unexplained Overtime.
• Increased Business Trips.
• Last-Minute Cancellations.
• Secretive About Details.
• Unexplained New Routines.

Less Interested in Sex

It could mean something if you used to share most of your nights having intimate moments and making love but changed abruptly. Maybe they are getting it somewhere else. A recent study shows that nearly 35% of women and 26% of men admit to cheating because they are bored with their sex life.

However, you don’t need to jump to conclusions fast. Some healthy relationships can go through such moments where your partner is not much interested in sex. But if this happens longer than usual, take note. 

This is something you need to talk about with them and find out what could be their reason. 

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Avoidance of Physical Contact.
• Increased Secretiveness.
• Unexplained Irritability.
• Change in Daily Routines.
• Sudden Indifference.

Increased Privacy

In today’s digital age, where much of our personal and professional lives intertwine with technology, a sudden shift towards increased privacy from a partner can be alarming. Approximately 40% of women and 30% of men acknowledge being involved in secretive text and social media communications. Being extra cautious about personal devices is a notable red flag. This behavior often indicates that someone is trying to conceal their activities, including inappropriate interactions or relationships.

When assessing privacy changes, consider these five behavioral signs that can suggest a deeper issue:

• Sudden Password Changes
• Phone Anxiety
• Deleting History
• New Social Media Accounts
• Unwillingness to Share Device

Unusual Behavior

When someone is involved in infidelity, it often leads to stress and guilt that can manifest as changes in their usual behavior. These behavioral changes are typically a response to the internal conflict of living a double life, as the individual struggles to manage their actions and emotions effectively. It’s important to note that while these behaviors can sometimes be linked to other issues like stress at work or personal problems, they can also indicate infidelity when they appear alongside other red flags.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Increased Irritability.
• Nervousness.
• Withdrawal from Usual Activities.
• Changes in Sleep Patterns.
• Secretiveness.

Avoidance of Friends or Family

When a partner starts avoiding social gatherings with friends or family, it can be a troubling sign of underlying issues in the relationship, possibly related to infidelity. This behavior might stem from a fear of being questioned or caught, as those who know them well might notice changes in their demeanor or inconsistencies in their stories. 

Behavioral Signs to Watch For:

• Declining Invitations Suddenly.
• Making Excuses to Miss Family Events.
• Unease Around Close Friends and Family.
• Decreased Communication with Mutual Friends.
• Selective Socializing.

Frequent Mention of a New Person

When your partner repeatedly brings up a new “friend” in conversation, it might be more than casual talk. This pattern can be an indicator of emotional infidelity, which is far more common than many realize. Statistics reveal that a staggering 90% of women and 77% of men have confessed to engaging in emotional cheating. This form of infidelity involves forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside of the relationship, often leading to or accompanying a physical affair.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Increased Privacy.
• Excitement About Communication.
• Withdrawal from Usual Activities.
• Defensive When Asked.
• Changes in Social Media Behavior.

Avoiding Future Commitments

A reluctance to make plans is a significant sign that can indicate deeper issues within a relationship, potentially pointing toward infidelity. This behavior reflects a hesitance or uncertainty about the relationship’s future, which might stem from a partner’s involvement or interest elsewhere. Studies have shown that nearly 44% of Americans cheat on their partner in monogamous relationships. This could manifest in subtle or overt ways, signaling a shift in priorities or a divide in the relationship’s trajectory.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Vague about dates.
• Changes subject.
• Non-committal language.
• Reluctance to discuss milestones.
• Withdrawal from planning activities.

Unexplained Expenses

Financial transparency is often taken as a sign of trust and commitment in relationships. However, unexplained expenses can be a significant indicator of infidelity, suggesting secretive behaviors and potential cheating. These expenses disrupt a relationship’s financial stability and raise questions about what exactly the funds are being used for.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Sudden Interest in New Financial Accounts.
• Increased Cash Withdrawals.
• Defensive Behavior When Discussing Finances.
• Receipts for Unfamiliar Transactions.
• Overprotectiveness Over Financial Statements.

Guilt Gifts

When a partner suddenly begins giving gifts without any apparent reason, it can sometimes signal feelings of guilt stemming from infidelity. This kind of unexplained generosity might be their attempt to balance out the emotional ledger, providing comfort to themselves more than to the partner they are betraying.

Here are five behavioral signs that the giving of guilt gifts might be more than just spontaneous generosity:

• Increased Frequency of Gifts.
• Overly Expensive or Thoughtful Gifts.
• Awkwardness or Anxiety During Gift-Giving.
• Timing After Unexplained Absences.
• Lack of Enthusiasm in Your Response.

Changes in Social Circle

Expanding one’s social circle and introducing new friends, especially from work, can sometimes serve as a cover for engaging in infidelity. In about 36% of cheating cases, the affair involves a coworker, which often leads to more frequent interactions outside of work that might be presented as innocent socializing. These changes in social interactions can provide a convenient excuse to spend time away from home or to mask suspicious activities with the guise of group gatherings.

Here are five behavioral signs to watch for:

• Increased Secrecy About Social Activities.
• Reluctance to Introduce You to New Friends.
• Frequent, Unexplained Nights Out.
• Overprotectiveness of Their Phone or Social Media.
• Change in Attitude When Mentioning Certain Co-workers.

What People Say If They Are About To Cheat

If you hear your partner saying these things, they are laying a foundation to cheat.

“What would you do if I cheated on you?”

You may be wondering why they would think of saying such a thing when they are not thinking of it. They may be looking for your reaction if they cheat.

“Sorry, I was busy with work today.’’

They can be genuine with this. But if they keep telling you this every time they arrive home late with no good reason, you have reasons to worry.

“It was fine.”

When things are not working out in any relationship, your partner will be willing to share less and less information with you. When you ask them about their day, work, or the party they attended, they will say a few things about it and keep quiet. This may show that they are becoming less interested in the relationship and focusing on something else.

“I don’t consider that to be cheating.”

When you notice their change in behavior and micro-cheating signs, they try to validate them as not cheating. Most cheating incidents, however, begin with emotional cheating, which they are trying to validate. You can see the boundaries of friendship have been crossed, but they still say, “we are just friends.’’ Be careful with such statements.

I need some space to figure things out.”

While seeking personal space for clarity or mental well-being is healthy, this phrase can sometimes indicate that your partner is reconsidering the relationship. It could be a sign they’re pulling away emotionally, particularly if it seems like an excuse to spend less time together.

“You’re just being paranoid/insecure.”

This could be a defensive response aimed at deflecting your concerns rather than addressing them. If your partner frequently accuses you of being paranoid when you bring up changes in their behavior, it could be a red flag that they’re hiding something.

“I’m staying late at work again tonight.”

A classic excuse used in many relationships to justify absences. If these late nights at work become frequent and are not accompanied by an increase in workload, you can verify it might indicate that your partner is using work as a cover for other activities.

“I don’t know why you’d want to see my phone/messages.”

This response is often used to avoid sharing personal information that may reveal secretive behaviors. A sudden increase in privacy, especially concerning phones and messages, can sometimes be linked to infidelity.

“I think we’ve been drifting apart.”

When a partner feels disconnected, this phrase might surface to verbalize their feelings of detachment. It’s important to explore why they feel this way and whether it reflects broader issues in the relationship.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

This can be a way of shutting down conversation and avoiding deeper issues that they might not want to address. It can create a barrier where one partner feels excluded from certain aspects of the other’s life.

“I need more excitement in my life.”

This might indicate that they find the current relationship dull or restraining. It often precedes actions seeking thrill or novelty, including romantic or emotional affairs.

“We don’t spend time like we used to.”

Reflecting on changes in the relationship dynamic, this phrase might signal dissatisfaction or nostalgia for earlier, happier times and be used to justify seeking emotional or physical connection elsewhere.

“I’ve been feeling really confused lately.”

Confusion can genuinely reflect internal conflict regarding the relationship or other life issues. However, it can also be a prelude to distancing behaviors.

“I met someone who understands me.”

This is often a clear sign of emotional involvement with someone else, particularly if shared in a context that suggests a comparison to the current relationship.

“I deserve to be happy.”

This phrase might justify decisions that prioritize personal happiness over mutual relationship goals, potentially at the expense of the relationship.

“Our relationship isn’t like it used to be.”

It’s a recognition of change, often used when feeling dissatisfied or disconnected. This can lead to seeking fulfillment outside the relationship.

“You’re always looking for something to complain about.”

This accusation might be used to deflect criticism and avoid addressing legitimate concerns raised about the relationship or behaviors.

“I think we want different things now.”

Recognizing divergent paths or goals can be a precursor to a breakup or an excuse for seeking new relationships that align better with their current desires.

“You’re just imagining things.”

Like calling someone paranoid, it’s a dismissive response that seeks to invalidate your concerns and doubts, possibly to hide deceptive behavior.

“I’m just not happy anymore.”

A straightforward expression of discontent that could be an honest reflection or a setup for leaving the relationship.

“Why can’t you trust me?”

When used defensively, this can manipulate feelings of guilt and discourage further inquiry into questionable behavior.

“I’m going out with friends. You don’t need to wait up.”

This might be innocent, but if it becomes a frequent excuse for late nights out, it might suggest more than just friendly outings.

“I need to be alone right now.”

Sometimes, everyone needs solitude, but if this request comes suddenly and frequently, it could create distance or hide specific activities.

What to do in this situation?

It’s important to approach this situation carefully and ethically. Professional advice or counseling could be beneficial before taking any steps that could invade your partner’s privacy or trust. Sometimes, understanding the root of your suspicions and discussing them in a safe space can help clarify the best course of action.

Here are a few more approaches that might help clarify your situation without causing undue suspicion:

1. Reflect on Changes: Think about when you started noticing changes. Can these be linked to other life events (like a new job, stress, or personal loss) that might explain the behavior differently?
2. Open Dialogue: While confrontation isn’t your preferred approach, you might consider creating a supportive environment to discuss your relationship’s health more generally. This can sometimes lead to more honest exchanges about feelings and fidelity.
3. Enhance Your Connection: Sometimes, engaging in new activities together can open up communication and provide you with more insight into your partner’s feelings and behaviors. It also might bring to light any discomfort or avoidance on their part.
4. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you consider acceptable in your relationship. This isn’t about accusing but rather about discussing boundaries and mutual respect. It can naturally lead to conversations about expectations and trust.
5. Seek Personal Support: Sometimes, talking through your feelings with friends, family, or a professional can provide new perspectives and help you decide how to approach the situation more calmly and effectively.

Final Words:

Facing the possibility of infidelity is deeply challenging, but handling it with care and thoughtfulness is crucial. Remember to prioritize your emotional well-being, seek support from trusted individuals, and approach the situation with as much clarity and calm as possible. Whatever decisions you make, ensure they contribute to your happiness and fulfillment. If you ever feel overwhelmed or uncertain, consider contacting a professional for guidance.