Can You Love Someone and Still Cheat On Them?

If you love someone and still cheat on them, is it really love? Love is a complex emotion that many scholars have attempted to explain. Love is often backed by other emotions, some people call it love but are unaware that what they think is love, is actually obsession or lust and it can be driven by anger or attachment. Love can also be pure with innocent intentions, but after an imbalance of “give and take” love can be twisted with jealousy, contempt, and other negative emotions. Instead of picking a side and explaining why you can or cannot love someone and still cheat on them, we will show you examples of both sides and you can choose.

Why you CAN love someone and Still Cheat.

What Is Love In The Brain?

Dr. Helen Fisher is a biological anthropologist who conducted an experiment with other scientists where they scanned the brains of people who told them that they were in love. The study showed that the reward system part of the brain became active when looking at a photo of their lover. What’s interesting is that this is the same area that becomes active when a mother looks at their child, if you buy a puppy or someone uses cocaine.

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What takes this further is that Dr.Fisher explains that there are different driving factors that lead us to experience that feeling of love, remember this is the same area that is triggered by buying a puppy. Sex drive, romantic love and attachment. The correlation here is that you can be in romantic love with someone, where you only want to direct your energy towards them and then you can have the same area of the brain triggered by someone you just want to have sex with. The chemistry in the brain leads you to your actions, if it’s not easy for you to overcome impulses that come with emotions then you could possibly love someone and still cheat on them.

Reactive Attachment

Usually from unresolved childhood trauma or it could be as simple as parents not giving enough attention. Reactive attachment when not healed completely can lead to a lot of reactions within a reasonably healthy relationship. Disagreements, family stress, or anything that reminds them of their past can trigger reactive attachment. Symptoms of this would be detachment from the significant other, impulsivity, and feelings of emptiness to just name a few. These few reactions would explain how a person could love someone and still cheat on them. With detachment you basically check out mentally, if you felt empty you may attempt to do anything just to feel some emotion and uncontrollable impulsivity could be from a manic stage you are experiencing.

Why You Can NOT Love Someone and Still Cheat On Them

Love and In Love

You can love someone and cheat, but you cannot be in love with someone and still cheat on them. When you love someone it is possible to jump in and out of love, in fact, it happens all the time. Have you ever been in a disagreement and then felt angry because your partner was not listening? That anger you felt is not love, therefore you feel out of love for a moment. If those non-loving moments build-up, the being out of love momentarily could build up to being out of love for longer periods of time where it could lead someone to cheat.

To stay and be “in” love takes effort, focus and purpose. When you are “in” love you would not make any choices that you know could potentially hurt your significant other. In fact, you would have fewer options to hurt your partner because you would be focused on growing together, creating a life you both want to experience and talking through disagreements with compassion and empathy as opposed to anger and distrust. It is possible to stay in love through disagreements, it just takes focus. If you have not been able to stay in love during a hard moment then you could take up courses on personal development to help you learn how to do that.

Priorities and Deceit

When you really love someone, your priorities are in line with the person you love. Often you will put them first or at least consider them in all of your big life decisions. If you are cheating on someone that you think you love, you are not putting them first or considering them at all. Cheating on someone you love is a blatant lie, every day you are with them you are lying to them. This is the worst lie because it is being covered up every day. You cannot love someone and lie to them in this way. It goes against all values of what love is.

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-There is a reasonable explanation for both sides of the story, what this shows is that people are complex by nature. Either way, cheating is not acceptable in a monogamous relationship.

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