9 Topics Every Couple Should Discuss Before Marriage

Love is beautiful, especially after years of wondering whether you’ll ever get “The One,” and you finally do! But before you start shopping for that wedding gown or planning your visit to the attorney, there are conversations you need to have as a couple. With such conversations, you can be confident that you’re getting into marriage with a deep understanding of your partner’s hopes and desires which is the basis for real marriage and not just a wedding.

Below are some of the must-have conversations before marriage:

Personal Goals

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Marriage is about sharing your life with someone, and you should not lose your own identity in the process. Most people become frustrated in their marriages because they surrendered their goals and ended up in toxic marriages. 

Be in a relationship where someone truly understands, supports, and complements your purpose as you do for them.  Working relationships are not a result of sacrificing your personal goals and development. 

Discuss your personal goals and try to come up with a way you can achieve them together!

Expectations

Expect nothing in your marriage, and you will be thankful for everything you get. Although the mantra may not seem too positive at first, taking a look at it closely when you expect things you tend to demand rather than requesting for them.

No one ever wants to feel like they are being commanded to do things a certain way, more so your partner. Talking your expectations out gives a chance to bring them to the surface in a constructive way. Ask questions like, What are your views on marriage roles? Will you manage to accomplish cooking and cleaning chores?

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Have this conversation with your partner before marriage and let them know your desires and expectations for life and love. This, in turn, leads to a more open relationship considering your partner already knows your wants and needs.

Intimacy

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Your views on sex and sexuality are shaped way before you commit to marriage. Get comfortable with this because you will carry it on for the rest of your life. 

In an interview, a woman who had been married for sixty years was asked what makes her relationship different from all the other relationships in her life.  She gave a quick response, “I don’t have sex with my friends.” What happens in your bedroom speaks volumes about the kind of communication and intimacy you have as a couple. You do not have sex with your significant other just for fun, but it is a way of bringing you and your mate closer.

Don’t shy away from asking your partner about their past sexual history, what expectations they have and whether you are on the same page. Understanding their sexual views is valuable when preparing for intimacy. 

Kids or no kids?

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Sometimes people get into marriage assuming that they understand their partner’s thoughts on children. While a large percentage of married couples want to have kids, there is a small percentage who don’t want to have kids at all.

In this discussion, do not just ask whether they want to have kids or not, but ask them how soon they should have them in marriage. Share your views on things like their education, diet, and values you want to instill in them.

Besides, do not fail to ask what you would do in case conception is not possible. Will you adopt, or do you prefer to be a foster parent?

Finances

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People at times may shun away from discussing finances before marriage lest they are mistaken to be after money. Yes, you can not buy love, but at the same time, you can not pay bills with it. 

Finances are one of the biggest challenges most married couples face. It’s difficult to have a blossoming relationship when there is a lot of debt and only one party struggles to make ends meet. This could be a result of either party’s poor financial behavior. 

Understand each other’s spending habits, financial histories and develop financial goals as a couple.

Religion and Spiritual Values

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 With time, interdenominational marriages are rising, but they sometimes end up challenging when children come into the picture. Your religion and spiritual values play a major role in how you see the world and address various issues.

In case you share a different faith with your partner, it is important to discuss whether you share the same values and how which spiritual values to instill in your kids.

On the other hand, you might share faith with your partner but still have different values and views. For instance, movies are okay to watch, how to dress when going to church and how often you give your tithes.

Family Boundaries

Marriage comes with good friends and family from both sides, all of whom you have to accept in your life. The friends and family are often wonderful, but some just don’t seem to understand their boundaries and will meddle in what you do with your partner. Listening to their advice is allowed, but if it starts to affect your relationship negatively, it’s another thing. Set clear boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable from your in-laws and friends early because if you don’t be ready for tense interactions in the rest of your married life.

How you will handle fights

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Disagreements are inevitable, but how you handle determines whether you will survive through them.  Have conversations with your partners and understand their way of managing conflict.

Whatever your argument style is, define what counts as an acceptable fight and what is off-limit. Come up with a way you can handle your arguments to accommodate each other.

Deal Breakers

Everyone has their deal breaker when it comes to marriage. If there is anything that drives you nuts just let your partner know soon enough. Let your partner know what you can tolerate in your marriage for instance, flirting with other money or blowing up your hard earned financial assets.

Conclusion

If you are looking forward to getting married, these are must have conversations for a successful marriage. At the same time stay open minded and find a middle ground with your partner.

Marriage life is awesome when you communicate well and work together with your partner!

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