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Cheating & Infidelity

8 Tips To Forgive Yourself After Cheating

forgive yourself after cheating

Are you finding it hard to forgive yourself after cheating? Here are a few tips to help you bounce back and avoid the effects of cheating on a cheater.

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Infidelity happens for several reasons. But none of the reasons is acceptable. It’s because a cheater lets it happen. They become vulnerable to situations they could have easily controlled in the first place. If you have ever cheated, you know the guilt that comes along with it. It makes it hard to have the same relationship as before. And even if you broke up with your spouse after getting caught, you may find it hard to move on if you don’t understand how to forgive yourself after cheating. 

When you cannot forgive yourself after cheating, you can easily feel the guilt’s severe effects. It will bring you suffering, low self-esteem, sadness, stress, and even insomnia. 

The first step to healing is to accept what happened and that you cannot change it. Yes, you let it happen, so you can also let it go.

While giving yourself enough time will be crucial in healing, these tips can help you forgive yourself after cheating and be free from guilt.

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Accept how you feel

forgive yourself after cheating
Source: Boundaries

The first step is to acknowledge and appreciate how you feel right now because it’s happening. Not everyone is as self-aware as you to admit anything wrong with them. Some may even justify cheating by blaming it on their partner and how they were not there for them.

So appreciate that you are a self-aware person who can recognize faults in yourself and take responsibility. Otherwise, you will not even be looking at how you can forgive yourself after cheating.

You did not fall out of love. You can rekindle it.

Your cheating behavior does not mean your love for your partner faded. You may validate the cheating incident for many reasons, like falling out of love or missing romance in your relationship. But if you look at both angles, you will realize both of you did not put much effort into your relationship to keep the love.

Cheating does not mean you fell out of love. If your partner has forgiven you, chances are they still love you, and they know both of you can work to rebuild your relationship. So forgive yourself too, get up, and find the lost love.

If they don’t know, tell them.

You may be having solid reasons why you want to keep the cheating incident a secret. Maybe you are worried about the kids, your investments, or the future. But what is more, than being honest in a relationship? What if they still find out from outside? Being honest will always set you free from the burden of worry and guilt. If your partner finds a place in their heart to forgive you, you will be set free. Own up your mistakes and find the best time to talk to them. It’s only normal they will get angry and feel betrayed. 

Let go of your anger.

You can be so angry with yourself for hurting your partner, especially if you see how much they are suffering. You may even feel powerless to take off the pain. If you are married, you may become angry about failing to keep your vows and letting down your family.

You always regret that you should have known better. Your mind is filled with unending questions. “What was I thinking?”

Staying angry will not do any good for you. If you want to forgive yourself, you have to let go of the anger.

Most of the time, you may not know that you have the power to let go of your anger and control how you feel.

Instead of asking yourself what you were thinking, ask yourself how you can make things better to bring back the love you once had. Or what needs to be fixed for you and your partner to heal.

The best thing after you have spilled the milk is to clean it up and try not to cheat again.

Embrace self-correction

Self-correction is a process where you learn how to correct your thinking that may lead to mistakes being repeated.

Find those excuses that may lead you to commit mistakes and release them. Choose never to believe in them again.

Think of how you would speak to someone in your shoes

Obviously, if you think this way and put someone else like your friend in your shoes, you will have some great advice on how they can forgive themselves. Now, this is how you should be. Many principles of self-forgiveness are relatable. 

Forgiveness is the only factor that starts the healing process. If your partner has forgiven you, it’s only best that you also forgive yourself for allowing the healing process.

By letting go, it doesn’t mean that you now act like it never happened. Have some sense of responsibility. Do not show your spouse reasons to think you haven’t changed. 

Learn from the experience

Take a step back and see what happened as a result of cheating. Not just the effects of cheating it brought to you and your partner. Take many lessons. How did you get to the affair?

If you haven’t learned anything, it means you have not put a proper examination of the incident. There are always things to learn from mistakes.

Take some little time to think about how it changed you.

Make amendments where necessary.

You can make amends for your mistakes by taking proper actions to repair the harm you caused your victim.

Talk to them and tell them how sorry you feel. Show how remorseful you are for the damages you caused them.

After you have talked to them, find a way to better their lives and help them heal from the effects.

To conclude, guilt, shame, and anger are some effects of not forgiving yourself after cheating. They bring no good than harm. The sooner you forgive yourself from the incident, the sooner your relationship will recover from infidelity.

Your partner forgave you, and they also want to see a changed person in you. Help them heal by forgiving yourself and working towards their healing.

If your relationship or marriage broke due to infidelity, this is not the end of your life. You need to move on by forgiving yourself and do not hold it for so much that it affects your next love life.


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